Saturday, November 28, 2009

I'm a civil servant....get me out of here!!!- Part 2

Welcome back. Susan, our FAS executive, is preparing for what can only be described as a difficult task. Never in the history of FAS has an executive had to undergo such private sector traumas as:

(1) Travelling economy class on official business (without being allowed to bring any family members along for the ride).
(2) Linking of salary to performance.
(3) Training people with skills that are NEEDED in the workplace!
(4) No spending of tax payers money on lobsters, limousines and flashy hotels.
(5) Being accountable for the work they fail to do and being subject to dismissal without a friendly bag of cash from your pals in the Government.

Susan, already distraught at the thought that she can no longer swipe the company credit card on family dinners in posh restaurants, is now regretting her decision to go into the private sector jungle. She misses her daily lunch trip to Roly's Bistro and is struggling to survive on the toasted specials which are the norm here in the jungle. There will be no pay rises in the jungle this year either so Susan must sit down and write her performance review in the hope that she won't be let go and have to sign on the dole. But Susan isn't used to having to actually do anything to justify her salary. She normally just pitches up whenever suits her, goes to irrelevant and expensive conferences and takes bribes from training companies to supply overpriced and poorly designed courses to the poor unemployed pixie Irish. Susan has had enough of the private sector jungle. "I'M A CIVIL SERVANT, GET ME OUT OF HERE" screams Susan before her boss has a chance to tell her she's fired for gross incompetence and complete uselessness.

So Susan leaves the jungle and will return to her job in an economic twilight zone where value for money, customer service and integrity don't exist. Where the fat cats get fatter and the faked expenses keep getting paid.

Tune in to our next episode where Anto, a hospital porter and SIPTU shop steward, will face the horror of having to pull his finger out of his ass for the first time in twenty years and do an honest days work.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I'm a civil servant....get me out of here!!!- Part 1

In the private sector jungle this year we have 5 civil servants battling it out to keep their guaranteed pension, their job security and their short working week. Before we go racing into tonight's programme let's recap on last night's episode.

Last night we had Mike, a 20 year veteran within the IT ranks of the civil service. Unfortunately for Mike, viewers picked him to undergo a 50 hour week with no overtime and the need to finish projects on time and within budget. Mike nervously took up a challenge which is routine for his counterparts in the private sector. However, due to the combination of no lunch breaks and shear exhaustion on day 2, Mike threw in the towel. But wait! It wasn't all bad news, Mike took solace in the knowledge that he can now go back to wasting tax payers money on overstaffed and technologically obsolete IT projects.

Tonight, FAS executive, Susan has been selected by the public to undergo the next challenge. Will Susan give up her generous pension, her inflated salary and her lavish expenses? Tune in after the break to find out!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Ah Ref!

You couldn't make it up if you tried! In recent days Fianna Fool have been leading the demands for the World Cup playoff with France to be replayed. Now there can be no doubt that the horse-eating, onion-wearing, diving, cheating and dishonest French got away with the sporting crime of the century on Wednesday night. However, for Fianna Fool to come out lecturing about unfairness and respect for the rules of the game is utterly sickening.

What the hell do Fianna Fool take us for? Do the likes of Brian Clown or Doormat Ahern really expect us to believe that they give a damn about our exit from the World Cup. These gobshites have spent 15 years ensuring that the poor pixie Irish will be saddled with the debts of their mates in the property development companies and the banks. They have conspired with the trade unions to donate millions to an under performing and wasteful public service. They have defrauded the tax payer by paying themselves millions more in undeserved salaries and "expenses". What gives them the right to preach about the relatively trivial matter of our exit from the World Cup?

I would love to cheer on the boys in green in South Africa next year. However, it's not a matter of life and death. Our incompetent government, on the other hand, have far more to be worrying about. What about the injustice of bailing out the banks while ordinary men and women are having their homes repossessed without any help from the state? Why not tackle the sickening inequity of a social welfare system where people who want to work and have worked all their lives are treated no differently from the idle wasters who have never and will never contribute to society? Or maybe Fianna Fool would like to invest some time in reforming a criminal justice system which prioritises do-gooder sentiments and looking after the rights of the guilty over protecting the law abiding majority of our citizens.

The petition on the Fianna Fool website mentions "..fair play...dignity and integrity..". It concludes by urging FIFA to

"...prove there is meaning behind these words and show children all over the world that in football those who cheat will not succeed."

How dare Fianna Fool lecture anyone on morality. Who are they to imply that cheating is wrong. And they certainly don't give a damn about our children. They have dedicated their careers to ensuring that our children won't have a future in an economy which has been ruined by years of incompetent and corrupt leadership. Irish politicians have made lucrative careers out of cheating, corruption and dishonesty. The 165 members of the Kildare Street Country Club are such accomplished cheats and liars that they make Sepp Blatter look like the Dalai Lama. For Fianna Fool to jump on the bandwagon and use our unfortunate exit from the World Cup as an excuse to pretend to be on the side of the people is nothing but a cynical and pathetic publicity stunt. It certainly won't prevent them getting a richly deserved red card and five year ban after the next general election!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Bonus Question

And the bonus question for 100 points is.....

Are the Labour Party a shower of half-wits?

After their latest statements on the issue of the non-payment of the social welfare Christmas bonus I can only conclude that they are.

According to Róisín Shortall, Skeletor impressionist and Liebore Party spokesperson on Social and Family Affairs, taxes should have been increased so that the bonus could be paid...

So Skeletor Shortall wants the government to increase taxes so that a bonus payment can be made to those on social welfare! How bloody fair is that? Anyone who is lucky enough to have a job is already up to their eyes in levies and pay cuts. The vast majority of people who have jobs won't be getting any Christmas bonus this year either. So why the hell should we subsidise this bonus payment for those on social welfare?

I'm sick and tired of hearing the likes of Skeletor Shortall bleating on about the poor and vulnerable in society. Are these the same poor souls who draw the dole but can still afford an iPhone, a Sky TV subscription and forty cigarettes a day? Are these the same unfortunates who fill the pubs on their way back from the post office on dole day? Are these the same deprived wretches that didn't work when jobs were plentiful? Well my heart bleeds that we won't be providing them with an extra Christmas payment for them to piss down the toilet!

Now I do realise that there are a whole different category of people depending on social welfare payments. People who have worked all their life and are in receipt of pensions. People who want to work but can't find a job. I do feel sorry for such individuals and I wish that there was a way that they could get more than the lazy scumbags who abuse the social welfare system. Unfortunately it doesn't seem politically correct to discriminate between these categories. The likes of Skeletor Shortall and her communist cronies have ensured that hard work is rewarded on an par with laziness. In any case, the state simply can't afford this bonus payment. The coffers are empty after the criminal bankers were bailed out with billions of quid of tax payer's money.

But the Liebore Party don't do basic economics. They only do stupidity and sanctimony. And speaking of sanctimony, what does Eamon Gilmore Girl think of the decision not to pay the Christmas bonus?

Well surprise surprise! Gilmore Girl is outraged. God forbid he should engage his brain and realise that we can't afford to pay it. We shouldn't expect any rational economic reasoning to come from a man who leads a party whose front bench is drawn primarily from the communist Democratic Left. The Liebore politburo wants to tax the arse off anyone who has a job so that a wasteful public service and a hoard of social welfare recipients can thrive. Meanwhile, the same politburo continues to draw massive salaries for "representing" us in the Dáil. It's easy to favour tax increases when you're raking in over €100,000 a year plus vast expenses. Now that is shameful Gilmore Girl you hypocrite!

Between Gilmore Girl's soundbites of sanctimonious waffle and Skeletor Shortall's Barney the Dinosaur economics, all Fianna Fool will have to do is keep their mouths shut and the opposition will win the next election for them! It's not like Funny Gael have much better to offer with the likes of that ass clown George IToldYouSo Lee championing the cause of people with million euro mortgages.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Let them eat cake!

I see that the Minister for Stupidity is at it again. Mary "Thicko" Coughlan has been urging Irish shoppers not to go north to buy cheaper food and drink. It's easy for aristocrats like Mary to make such pronouncements from the back of her ministerial Mercedes. Like all the other politicians, she is so out of touch with the rest of the poor pixie Irish that she doesn't realise (or care) that most of us are broke and need to head north to put food on the table. You see we don't have the luxury of being a career politician like her. We don't have jobs which pay us vast salaries and inflated expenses in return for wrecking the country and providing utterly incompetent leadership.

Mary Thicko Coughlan and her colleagues in Fianna Fool created an economy where prices spiralled out of control. This was achieved with cooperation from the money grabbing unions and IBEC. They then conspired to cultivate a banking system which was so devoid of regulation that banks could lend money as they pleased. When the whole house of cards collapsed and ordinary worms like you and me were left with pay cuts, negative equity and general poverty, Fianna Fool blamed the global credit crunch. The line "...Ireland is a small open economy..." was trotted out ad nauseum by government ministers to try and demonstrate that the global economic downturn was the cause of all our woes. What utter rubbish! 15 years of corruption, legislating based on Galway race tent donations, fueling the property bubble and general irresponsibility has wrecked this country. The global downturn was just the final kick in the nuts for us.

One of the problems in a small open economy is that we are open to competition in all areas of economic activity. We have already hemorrhaged jobs as companies relocate to countries where costs are cheaper. Apart from spouting rubbish about the "knowledge economy", the government has done little to address this. Another consequence of our open economy is that we are free to spend what little money we still have as we please. If this means going up north to get our groceries then so be it. Fianna Fool are such believers in the free market that they should realise that the laws of supply and demand should soon see the situation sort itself out. If the Irish retailers and the government don't do something to reduce the cost of living we will continue to shop in the cheapest place. Last year the idiots increased VAT, making Northern Ireland an even better value prospect!

So Thicko Coughlan should shut her face and stop moaning about Irish people shopping in the north. If she wants to remedy the situation she could actually do her job and introduce some measures to make it cheaper to shop down here. But Thicko doesn't do proactivity and initiative. She'd rather sit in her tower and condemn as unpatriotic those who travel north of the border to shop. The stupid wagon probably hasn't done a weekly shop in over 15 years. She wouldn't know what it's like to have to struggle to feed and cloth a family from a diminishing wage.

Dumb Mary's attempt to run a guilt trip on us for shopping in the north demonstrates that she is a thick as she looks. When Queen Marie Antoinette adopted such a "let them eat cake" attitude in 18th century France she lost her head. Luckily for Mary the imbecile queen Coughlan, she only stands to loose her seat.