Thursday, December 23, 2010

Season's Greetings

Happy Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous new year to all our readers and followers.


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

In The National Interest

So Budget 2011 has been passed. No surprise there. The 166 members of the Kildare Street Country Club put on their annual pantomime but there was no way this budget was ever in danger of rejection.

Another predictable result was how our political overlords saw fit to share out the financial pain we poor pixie Irish must endure. As usual, ordinary hard-working men and women will suffer most for the spectacular incompetence of the people at the top of our society. You would think it illogical to penalise people who didn't cause our problems. To cut the incomes of working people. To condemn our schools to rack and ruin. And all so we can keep bankers and TDs living the life of Reilly! Well Irish politicians don't do logic. They do, however, excel when it comes to hypocrisy, insincerity and immorality.

So let's look at this budget which is condemning us to years of economic hardship "In The National Interest":

  • No cuts to TD's salaries. Sounds fair - it can't be easy living on a minimum of €92,672 per year.
  • The Taoiseach is really taking one for the team though - a cut of €14,000 to bring his salary down to a paltry €214,466. Wow that's a massive 6% pay cut. That fat clown has overseen the destruction of this country and that's all he gets by way of punishment. He should be serving 20 years hard labour for the damage he has done.
  • And what punishment will Brian Clown's cabinet of imbeciles suffer? Well they are taking a €10,000 pay cut. Ouch - that 5% cut will bring the minimum ministerial salary down to around €181,000 a year. God love them!
  • And spare a thought for the dinosaurs that make up our judiciary. Judges and other overpaid public servants will have their salaries capped at €250,000 - my heart bleeds for them. They will just have to screw even more out of us via their unbelievably extravagant annual expenses.
  • Meanwhile, away from the ivory towers of Kildare Street, the minimum wage gets cut from €8.65 to €7.65 per hour. That is 11.5%. So TDs get no cut. The Taoiseach and his court jesters take 6% and 5% cuts respectively yet the poor slob who eeks out a living on the minimum wage is destroyed with an 11.5% cut. SICKENING!
  • To add insult to injury - the dole only gets cut by 4%. Compare that with the 11.5% minimum wage cut - a real incentive to get up off your hole and get a job!
  • Day to day funding for schools, colleges and other educational providers will be cut by 5% so that we can still pay child benefit to the multi-millionaires who got the country into this mess.
  • "Artists" can still earn €40,000 (reduced from €250,000) a year tax-free for wearing their underpants on their head and churning out the odd sculpture. Why should they receive any preferential treatment whatsoever?
  • The air travel tax is reduced by 70% (from €10 to €3) but shock horror - Ryanair still aren't happy! You could let Michael "Publicity Hound" O'Leary land planes for free on O'Connell Street and he'd still be whining about something.
  • Michael Malevolence Noonan laments the fact that we are lead by "...a puppet government.." which is under the strict control of the IMF and the ECB. Malevolence Noonan also has the audacity to claim that this budget was "soft on the rich and hard on the poor". Another example of the sickening hypocrisy of our wealthy opposition representatives. Has Malevolence forgotten how he and his fellow blueshirted fascists campaigned vigorously in favour of the Lisbon Treaty? Has he forgotten how he served in the Funny Gael/Liebore coalition government which tried to introduce VAT on children's shoes in 1982? Maybe the cold weather has frozen his baldy head to such an extent that he has purged all recollection of Funny Gael/Liebore's bailout of AIB/ICI in 1985.

What Budget 2011 demonstrates is how out of touch our politicians are with the ordinary Irish citizen. The are still vastly overpaid. They still enjoy lavish expenses. They are so concerned with kissing babies, scratching backs and licking arses in the hope of re-election that they neglect their duty to this country. How are we ever going to see a fair budget when the people responsible for most of our problems are the ones in control? Whether they be Fianna Fool, Funny Gael, Liebore or Sinn Pain they are all the same. They are motivated by power and money. Like Malevolence Noonan, they expect us to forget their past actions as they trot out lie after patronising lie. They all claim to have our best interests at heart. They claim to know better than us. They falsely profess patriotism and a will to serve Ireland and its people. These scumbag politicians and their parties seek our votes "In the National Interest"..... we know damn well that their only real motivation is self interest.


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Separated At Birth?

What's the difference between these two clowns?

One is a fat comedian, the other one is Dom Joly!

Monday, November 22, 2010

None of the above

It has been a long time since I last updated this blog. As things went from bad to worse for this country I just couldn't see the point in stating the obvious about our country's corrupt political overlords.

Last night, after watching days of Comical Ali style denials, Brian Clown finally admitted that the IMF and the EU are the new sheriffs in town.

As I sat watching my telly, the screen filled by Michael "Malevolence" Noonan's fat head as he smugly celebrated the arrival of the IMF, my anger levels once again hit blog force 10.

This political parasite was taking delight from the predicament that this country finds itself in. He knows that this crisis is his ticket back to a ministry, a hefty pay hike and a big expense account. Malevolence Noonan symbolises all that is wrong with the political system in this country. This is the man who bullied a dying woman, Brigid McCole, as she fought for compensation from the state for its role in infecting her and many others with Hepatitis C.

Noonan's disgraceful behaviour during this episode demonstrates that he is every bit the scumbag politician that Brian Clown, Stupid Mary Coughlan and Betray Ahern are.

The political system in this country is rotten to the core. Scoundrels like Malevolence Noonan can bully a dying woman in the state's name and then return to the political front line thirteen years later as if nothing had happened. Most of the scumbag millionaires in Kildare Street have similar skeletons in their cupboards. A majority of the Liebore party front bench is drawn from the former Irish Workers Party - a communist party which idolised tyrants like Joseph Stalin and Erich Honecker. And it would be stating the obvious to even bother outlining the dodgy past of most of the Sinn Féin party leadership.

For too many years the political classes have treated the Irish people like fools. When a new government is formed after the inevitable election in January, Michael Malevolence Noonan will certainly be in the new cabinet. However, if the people of Ireland play their cards right he will represent a government with no moral authority. It is my hope that an overwhelming majority of the Irish electorate go to the polls. But I don't want them to vote for our poisonous political establishment. If a massive majority of people choose to "spoil" their votes we will show the scumbag millionaires that we have had enough of their sleeveen politics.

What is the alternative to Brian Clown and his fellow Fianna Fool imbeciles? Is it Malevolence Noonan and the country and western politics of Enda de road Kenny? Is it the communists and kerb crawlers in the Liebore Party? Is it the fantasy island politics of Sinn Féin?

The answer, my poor Pixie Irish, is NONE OF THE ABOVE!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Living Dead - A Funny Gael Production

In the aftermath of Enda De Road Kenny's "victory" in the farcical Funny Gael leadership battle the typical Funny Gael supporter came out to voice their support for their halfwit leader.

Jaysus help us if this moron is going to be the next Taoiseach. Brian Clown is a muck savaging, hang sambo eating, ploughing championship attending gombeen man but it seems that Kenny will elevate us from the frying pan to the fire of brainless parochial leadership!

Any ounce of political credibility Funny Gael had has now been obliterated in favour of Craggy Island politics. Now observe as Enda's legions of loyal coffin dodgers give their sophisticated political analyses of the events surrounding his victory. Watch out for a masterclass in inspirational and refined philosophy from John Cribbin, he will surely be made a poster boy for the "new" Funny Gael:

So this is what Funny Gael stands for! I'm no fan of horror show politicians like Count Leo von Varadkar or Brian Hangman Hayes, but at least you can understand them. At least they are capable of stringing a sentence together without making reference to saving hay or winning the fucking Sam Maguire. Alas, Funny Gael has firmly stated its position as Ireland's ultimate country and western party. Gobshites like Phil NoPayCut Hogan and Michael PainInDe Ring will ensure that all roads will lead to Mayo if they win the next election.

And on that depressing note I will leave you with this masterpiece from the Après Match lads. If only the real Enda DeRoad Kenny could be this funny......

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Failing Politics 101

So here we are - the week when an opinion poll (albeit a dodgily "adjusted" one) revealed support for Fianna Fool at an all time low. The government are on the ropes and the opposition, led by Enda de road Kenny, aim a knockout blow in the form of a vote of no confidence in Brian Clown and his corrupt cabinet. Times like these are what an opposition leader dreams of. Even if a no confidence motion fails, he will score as many political points as possible as the government suffers the humiliation of another appalling opinion poll.

So what do Funny Gael do when faced with this gilt-edged opportunity to gain the upper hand on their foes on the government benches? Ah yes - they decide to fuck it all up and move against their half-wit of a leader! There is no denying that Enda de road Kenny is a simpleton. He looks and acts like a clown. He has consistently failed to connect with the electorate and is a sincerity no fly zone. But why on earth have imbeciles like Richard Bruuutal, Count Leo von Varadkar and Brian hangman Hayes decided to move against their leader now? These arseholes are trying to portray themselves as the cabinet in waiting yet they cannot organise something as basic as a palace coup. Seriously - that's Politics 101. If they can't get this right how the hell will they manage to lead the country out of the trouble it's in?

Funny Gael constantly point sanctimonious fingers at Fianna Fool for mistakes they have made in the past. However they, like all politicians, are arch-hypocrites. Enda de road Kenny should have been chopped after he lost the last election. The electorate rejected his brand of GAA club politics and Funny Gael should have realised that his bogman country and western credentials would never wash with us poor pixie Irish. But instead of cleaning house and installing Richard Bruuutal as leader they chose to keep faith in a failure. No matter what happens in Thursdays Funny Gael vote on Kenny's future, there will be no winners. The likes of Olivia the hag Mitchell will be targeting party colleagues like Alan Shitter instead of their enemies in Fianna Fool. Funny Gael will be a divided party. With only a couple of years until we face another election Funny Gael look like they are set to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory yet again!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

A Surgical Shambles

I was absolutely disgusted when I read this article outlining the circumstances under which a young child had the wrong kidney removed by a team of imbeciles in Our Lady’s Hospital for Sick Children in Crumlin, Dublin. The fact that the child's parents repeatedly sought assurances that the correct procedure would be carried out makes this case all the more disturbing.

The two clowns primarily responsible for this surgical fiasco are the subject of a medical council investigation. Undoubtedly this will result in some form of a rap on the knuckles for these morons before they are released to butcher their next victim in Our Lady's or some other hospital.

This type of thing happens way too often in this country. The medical profession (especially consultants) have something of a god complex. They resent the little people questioning their divine wisdom. God forbid that we should want to be sure that they get it right, it's only our lives that are at stake. For too long we pixie Irish have buttoned our lips for fear of upsetting some overpaid surgical wanker. For too long we haven't questioned a diagnosis. For too long we have taken the word of a doctor to be gospel. Well no more. I would urge anyone with any degree of doubt about a medical issue to seek reassurance from their doctor. If you are not happy - ask again. If they don't like it - tough shit. If they are about to jeopardise your life or the life of your child you have a right to be somewhat wary.

As long as we are relying on poxy medical council investigations or the awarding of a few quid in compensatory damages by an unjust court system we will never see any real improvement in the behaviour of the upper echelons of the medical profession. And we can't rely on the likes of the Minister for Health and Cream Cakes, Fat Mary Harney, or her fellow aristocrats in the Dáil to give a damn about justice or the rights of the ordinary citizen. Maybe we should be playing punchy facey with those careless consultant bastards if they commit such gross acts of carelessness against their patients. Under the punchy facey system of medical justice we'll take the first, second and third turns - we'll let the consultants overcharge each other to get their faces fixed up when we've finished the "game".

Monday, May 10, 2010

It's all a load of greek!

There can be little argument that Greece is the economic basket case of Europe. Years of creative accounting, corruption and waste have seen to that. But we poor pixie Irish seem to think that we have been spared the consequences of the full Greek tragedy after our recent economic misadventures. Every time I turn on the radio there seems to be some gobshite of an economic analyst saying "well at least we're not like Greece" or "we took action early so we won't end up like the Greeks" - UTTER CRAP.

Have no doubt, this country is still in the shitter! Our deficit for 2009 was a staggering 14.3%. This figure is the highest in Europe and illustrates the trouble we are in. Granted, some of this is to do with the fact that the eurocrats have changed their minds and reclassified €4 billion worth of Anglo Irish bailout money as part of the deficit. We passed the Lisbon Treaty so they no longer need to keep us sweet by turning blind eyes to our €4 billion economic funderland.

Most of us seem content in our naive belief that last year's budget saw the worst of the financial cutbacks. However, given the state of the public finances we are surely in for even more hardship. Especially since the government seems likely to bend over and take yet another rogering from the unions by delaying the implementation of some of the reforms to our ridiculous public service pension system.

The recent announcement of a European support fund to prevent a repeat of the Greek crisis will only bring the onset of badly needed economic reforms a step closer for poor fools like us pixie Irish. The likes of Germany and France will (justifiably) want to make sure that their fellow Europeans get their economic houses in order in return for stumping up much of this €750 billion pot of gold. Countries like Ireland will, therefore, need to engage in a series of more violent belt-tightening exercises in the near future.

Maybe an intervention from our European overlords is just what we need. It's not like our current government are capable of providing us with brave leadership. They continue to bow to the unions and they refuse to make meaningful reforms to our wasteful and parochial system of government. And it's not like their opposition in the Dáil will do much better. On Today FM's Last Word programme the Funny Gael spokesperson for Rural Affairs and Muck Savagery, Michael 'PainInThe' Ring, outlined Enda de road Kenny's immediate priority once he assumes power. So would it be the winding up of Anglo Irish Bank, tackling the wasteful public service or maybe the seizure of Michael Fingleton's millions? Ah no - Enda de road's number one priority would be to allocate millions of euro to be spent upgrading the N5 national road so that he could travel back home to the bog in comfort. Nice one Enda - a shining example of your complete incapacity to lead this country.

So this lunchtime as you head into Starbucks and order your venti caramel macchiato because you think that things are on the up and, after all, you're worth it - remember this: There is an economic canon being built in Europe and whether your name is Stelios or Séamus it will soon be aimed at you!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Scan this!

I was standing in a long queue at the self-scan checkouts in Superquinn today when my rage levels finally kicked back to blog force 10.

For those unfamiliar with the self-scan checkout system - a brief introduction to the theory:
  • A bank (4-6) of automated checkouts allow shoppers with a small amount of items to scan and pay for goods, thereby freeing up larger checkouts and their operators to process customers with larger quantities of shopping.

  • One shop assistant is assigned to supervise the self-scan area, dispensing plastic bags and assisting the technologically challenged muppets who continually fail to understand the simple self-scan concept.

  • There will always be the odd hiccup with the technology but if used correctly the self-scan should result in a speedier shopping experience for all shoppers.

So that's the theory - now for the reality:
  • One in every five shoppers who turn up to the self-scan queue have trolleys full of shopping. These knobends then proceed to slowly scan, or even better let their snot nosed kids scan, their weekly shopping. Their epic scanfest is punctuated with visits to the self-scan supervisor to demand assistance because they've left their handbag, car keys or aforementioned snot nosed kid in the "bagging area".

  • The self-scan supervisor ignores the repeated abuses of the system, repeatedly allowing the assclowns to scan their omnibuses full of shopping even though it makes a mockery of the whole self-scan ideology. At the end of the day they get paid anyway so why should they care.

  • The poor hapless fools in the queue wait to pay for their chicken wrap and coke in a frustrated silence as their lunch hour disappears in a mist of bar codes and lasers. Everyone knows that the self-scan rules are being broken but nobody will object for fear that they'll be seen as fussy troublemakers.

In recent weeks I've been infected by the national apathy epidemic that makes us poor pixie Irish shrug our shoulders in resignation as bankers, politicians, clergy and various other "pillars" of society ride us raw. So today as I stood in a self-scan queue for nearly twenty minutes (all I wanted to buy was a yogurt and a packet of green Extra!) it suddenly dawned on me. Ireland is one big self-scan checkout!

The arseholes with the million dollar shopping trolleys are the bankers, the property developers, the clergy and the unions. They continually flout the rules and get away with it. The self-scan supervisors are the politicians - turning a blind eye to repeated abuses of the system and even aiding the deviants (but they supply bank bail outs, redress boards and NAMA instead of plastic bags and car park validation). And guess who the silent majority in the self-scan queue are? Of course, it's us, the poor pixie Irish. Day in and day out we stand by as criminals like Michael Fingleton and his ilk get away with bankrupting the country. We rely on the politicians to protect our interests but they claim they are powerless to do anything to exact punishment as it would be illegal! ILLEGAL - are they taking the piss! They have no problem putting dodgy Eurotrash referendums before us until we pass them. Why don't we amend the constitution to allow certain named bankers, developers, politicians and child abusing clergymen to be hung from the lamp posts of Kildare Street. There's a referendum you'd have no problem passing!

I've had enough of the pantomime surrounding the self-scan checkouts! Next time I'm in Superquinn I'm going to the manager to bring this farce to his attention. If that doesn't fix things I'll be kicking in a campaign of death stares and insults for any gobshite trying to scan a wagon load of groceries. Alas, we may need to adopt a stronger mode of opposition to the corrupt bankers and their accomplices in the Dáil.

Anger is a gift my friends, it's time we started using it!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Ballad of George and Deirdre

Like rats from a sinking
Ship they did jump
George Lee and de Burca
They both got the hump

George was elected
With much blueshirt ado
While for treehugger Deirdre
Votes were too few

But one thing this pair
Of halfwits did share
Was to decide a political
Future wasn't there

So both of these clowns
From their parties resigned
Their careers in ruin
Their characters maligned

Yet rest assured Ireland
They will be replaced
By more corrupt scumbags
Who will lie, cheat and waste

But it still made me happy
It filled me with glee
That the country was rid of
de Burca and Lee

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Foul Play, Wide Angle

I've just been reading a document by the Broadcasting Authority of Ireland (BAI) which found that broadcaster Newstalk was guilty of biased coverage of the Lisbon treaty debate.

Three complaints were upheld against Newstalk's "Wide Angle" program. Anyone who regularly listens to this political panel show will already know that its pugnacious presenter, Karen "Karnage" Coleman, is utterly incapable of facilitating a fair and balanced debate. In common with other Newstalk presenters such as Gargoyle Hook, Ivan The Terrible Yates and Claire Third Degree Byrne, Karnage Coleman generally insures that Newstalk continues to act as the social and political megaphone of its owner - Darth Denis O'Brien.

Whenever a big topic has to be debated on the Wide Angle the panel is loaded with toadies, hacks and spin doctors who all agree with the views of Newstalk's Dark Overlord. A token simpleton may be included to supply an opposing view - but Karnage will ensure that they are given little time to pose their side of the story. After Karnage ballyrags them with a volley of neoliberal blueshirt abuse the hapless victim won't have the time or energy to try to defend the onslaught of a panel loaded with opponents.

The BAI decisions against Newstalk are pretty damning for a show that claims to provide " entertaining cocktail of intelligent talk shaken up with first-class analysis..."

A summary of the BAI findings:
  • "It was evident on hearing the broadcast that all the contributors in this discussion bar one were pro-Lisbon."
  • "The Yes side was given prominence. The broadcast treatment of the Treaty in this broadcast was one-sided and not fair to all interests concerned"
  • "The Committee was of the view that the content of the discussion amounted to a one-sided viewpoint on the Lisbon Treaty Referendum. The Yes side was given prominence."
  • "The Committee was of the view the programme-makers and the presenter did not take sufficient action to mitigate the views and opinions expressed by the panel, which was overwhelmingly for a Yes vote."
  • The report also highlights Karnage's failure to provide any sufficient challenge to pro-Treaty contributors.

You would think that such findings against a national news broadcaster would have been widely reported by our esteemed press corps. But oh no.... the hacks and toadies in the Irish journo fraternity don't have the balls or the integrity to criticise one of their own. They'd much rather go after the easy target and emphasise the sharp practices of a late night quiz program which appears to have cheated a hoard of imbeciles out of some money.

Surely the Irish Times, the self styled "Paper of Record", would be outraged that the key journalistic pillar of impartiality was being demolished by Newstalk. The Times devoted considerable coverage to RTE's humiliating apology to Brian Clown after they ran a story about nude portraits of him. You would expect Newstalk's disgracefully one sided Lisbon coverage to be met with equal levels of outrage by Ireland's finest correspondents. WRONG. That horror show Madam Editor of the Irish Times is of the same fascist ilk as Newstalk's Dark Overlord. She couldn't allow any criticism of Karnage or her Nazi panel show.

Irish journalism is clearly in a jocker. Irish journalists present a facade of intelligence and morality. They claim to be doing their best to report impartial news to the poor pixie Irish. However, Irish news reporting is increasingly influenced by politicians and big business. RTE is a politician fearing disgrace and the likes of Newstalk have all the journalistic credibility of FOX News. The proliferation of shows like The Wide Angle and presenters like Karnage Coleman signal the death knell of impartial and trustworthy journalism in this country.

P.S. I've just had a look at Karnage's website. There is a section on it where she whores herself out, "chairing" events and seminars. Some of the testimonials on it are truly gag inducing (yet somewhat entertaining in the light of her recently highlighted shortcomings as a journalist and presenter):
  • "She has a talent for getting to the heart of the matter, asking the right questions, getting the most out of her panel..."
  • "She has a rare ability to bring out many sides of a debate, while cutting directly to the underlying issues..."
  • "Karen was committed to her participation of the event from the outside... to ensure a well balanced discussion was delivered on the day."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha - I wonder if she will be adding the findings of the Broadcasting Authority of Ireland to her testimonials. Unlikely, as anyone who employs her obviously has no time for fairness, respect or impartiality.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Maximum Authority, Minimum Responsibility

So it's not just the economy that's in the shitter now! After a few weeks of bad weather we seem to have experienced a total breakdown in basic public services. Our whole infrastructure seems to have been exposed for the third world shambles it is. Years of bad planning have resulted in thousands of houses being built on flood plains. Our sea and river defences are a disgrace and now we can't endure a few weeks of cold weather without running out of salt to treat the roads or having our water supplies cut.

You would have thought that our politicians would have used these unfortunate circumstances to show a bit of leadership. To take some decisions, allocate some resources and get the show back on the road. Hahahahahaha..... not a snowball's chance in hell! By the time the scumbag millionaires in Kildare Street got their arses into gear it was too late.

The likes of Johan von Gormless proved yet again that they are complete wastes of space. Check out Gormless's interview on RTE - a case study in evasiveness and incompetence. The best bit of the interview was when Miriam O'Callaghan referred to him as "The Minister for Snow" - a remark which went down like a bucket of hot sick with the king of the tree huggers! Gormless is a classic case of a dead man walking. He has proved that his sanctimonious sermonising while in opposition was just rhetoric. He has wasted his chance to provide any real leadership. Rather than sorting out our problems he favours introducing carbon taxes and spouting crap about "climate change". Would it be too much to ask for him to step back into the real world and sort out the mess this country is in before tackling such expensive myths? I wonder what he'll do after he loses his seat in the next election - I'm sure his mates will sort him out with a seat in the Seanad.

So Johan von Gormless couldn't or wouldn't sort out the problems caused by the "Big Freeze". Surely one of his experienced counterparts in Fianna Fool was ready to step up and lead us out of the yellow snow! With the country's transport network in a jocker maybe it was time for Noel "Toilet Roll" Dempsey to justify his massive salary. Alas, Toilet Roll was on holidays in Malta and couldn't have been arsed coming back to try and lead the poor Pixie Irish out of our arctic nightmare. Toilet Roll Dempsey arrogantly proclaimed "...I think I'm entitled -- I think people are entitled to a holiday." Eh no Toilet Roll, you are not entitled to work on your tan while your country freezes over. You are paid a massive salary with extravagant expenses and benefits so when something goes wrong WE OWN YOU. That's the way it works at senior levels of successful companies and that's the way it should work here. But Toilet Roll Dempsey felt that his presence wasn't required: "I can't think of one other item that could have been done if I was in the country which hasn't been done over the last four or five days." So what the hell have we been paying him for? The muppet probably only flew back here to submit his latest batch of dodgy expense claims. Well we can't expect him to pay for his own holiday!

Toilet Roll Dempsey and Johan von Gormless are the new poster boys of what politicians in this country actually represent. They take the nice important title, the huge salary, the government limousine and the unvouched expenses. However, when it comes to providing any leadership or making some brave decisions they shift the burden of competence onto some poor civil servant. At the end of the day politicians pretend to represent us. They pretend to govern us. They pretend to care about us. What they actually do is concentrate on emphasising their own importance and screwing as much money out of us as possible in return for their ineffectual "leadership". They do nothing yet control everything....maximum authority with minimum responsibility!