Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Christmas Bonus

Happy Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous new year to all our readers and followers.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I'm a civil servant....get me out of here!!! - Part 3

So tonight it is hospital porter Anto's turn to face the private sector jungle in a savage trial where the following will be involved:
  • Turning up on time.
  • Working a full 8 hour day with the possiblilty of extra (unpaid) hours.
  • Not disappearing for a smoke break every 20 minutes.
  • Not being able to skive off and drive his rented taxi during working hours while his equally bone idle colleagues cover for him.
Anto has been a SIPTU shop steward for the past 20 years. During this time he has grown used to finding ways of doing feck all and getting rewarded for it. Anto pretty much symbolises Ireland's failed experiment with social partnership. He doesn't really want to work, does his best to avoid work, when he has to work he does it badly, yet he has reaped pay rise after pay rise thanks to his comrades in the unions. And god help any poor manager who tries to get some work out of him. Anto would have no hesitation in commanding his fellow Bolsheviks to down tools in retaliation for such a reasonable request.

In fact, Anto is only in the jungle as a result of threatening to mount flying pickets on the production company's premises. You see the competition was actually only meant to be for civil servants (hence the title - I'm A Civil Servant.... Get Me Out Of Here). However, Anto thought it sounded like an easy ride so used his union connections to ensure that all public servants were eligible for the competition. Little did he know what lay ahead of him.

Life in the private sector jungle has been tough on poor Anto. He is constantly irritable because he is not allowed to take his usual 20+ cigarette breaks. The lack of paid overtime means that he can't afford cigarettes anyway. The fact that his new boss supervises him closely also means that his taxi-driving nixer is no longer viable.

During his brief stay in the jungle Anto has been a trouble maker - refusing to allow the latrines be emptied because that is the job of a grade 3 shit shoveller and there is only a grade 2 on site. And we're just getting news that in the last hour Anto called an all out strike due to a clear "demarkaaaaaaaaation" issue. His plan for a show of strength has backfired spectacularly though. The producers of this show refuse to be held to ransom by Anto and his ridiculous union antics. Therefore, they have swiftly shut down production and moved the show to Thailand where contestants will do as they are told for a lot less cash. So Anto and his "comrades" are now stranded in the private sector jungle forever. So that's it for this series of I'm A Civil Servant Get Me Out Of Here. There have been no winners of this series - only losers. Anto and his fellow wasters have paid the price for a working life spent in the fantasy island of the public sector - they are now stuck up unemployment creek without a paddle. Look out Anto.....there's a waterfall ahead!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Change to scheduled programming!

We regret to inform you that tonight's scheduled episode of "I'm A Civil Servant Get Me Out Of Here" has been postponed so we can bring you a bit of a post-budget rant.

Budget 2010 was a predictable mixture of the good, the bad and the bullshit.

The Good:
  • The public service has finally been taken in hand! At long last the decades of undeserved pay rises have come to an end. Not only have the public service had their pay cut but their top class pensions also look like they will be reviewed. Welcome to the real world public service - you now know what it's like for the rest of us poor fools who have been living with pay cuts, deteriorating conditions and general misery for the last few years.

  • Brian Latchico Lenihan has reversed his ridiculous decision of last year and returned the standard rate of VAT to 21%. That, coupled with Britain's impending VAT increase, should make shopping up North a less attractive prospect. The decision to reduce the price of a pint by 12 cent will also help in this regard.

  • A prescription charge of 50 cent per item has been introduced for medical card holders. Hopefully this may lead to medical card holders and their doctors thinking twice before allowing pharmacists to overcharge the state for trolley loads of overpriced and sometimes unneeded drugs.

  • Hospital consultants will have their pay cut by 20%. We'll see how a nice financial smackdown affects their god complexes and general lack of respect for patients.

The Bad:
  • Children's allowance cut by €16 a month. My main problem with this is that it will affect people who are already struggling with the high overheads associated with bringing up a family. The government were too spineless to take on the pensioners again and they certainly didn't want to piss off their mates in the horse racing or greyhound industry. So they decided to butcher the finances of the young families of Ireland instead of sharing the burden amongst all sectors of society. But the publicans of Ireland can rest easy tonight as the child benefit cuts don't apply to their reliable dole dependant customers.

  • Entitlements under the Treatment Benefit Scheme have been reduced to "examination only". Essentially this means that the hard working tax payers of Ireland are no longer entitled to subsidised dental or optical treatment. No more free cleaning, subsidised fillings or eye glasses. What a great reward for paying your taxes then - another kick in the hole delivered by the Latchico.

  • No increase in income tax. Despite my complete lack of sympathy for the public service there is something inherently unfair about cutting the pay of someone earning €30,000 a year by 5% and not increasing tax on an overpaid fossil like George "The Gargoyle" Hook. Surely the necessary bitter pill of a pay cut would have been easier for public servants to swallow if the whole country had to face some sort of a token tax increase.

The Bullshit:

My biggest beef with this budget is the measure introduced as a kind of political reacharound to the bunch of imbeciles that are the Green Party. These tofu eating, city dwelling, tree hugging ass clowns have participated in a financial and moral holocaust for the past couple of years in return for the introduction of this unjust tax. They have ensured that a generation of people who have been forced to live in badly built and poorly located shit holes will have to pay a substantial penalty because they don't have the luxury of the 46a and the DART on their doorsteps. Try telling the poor bastard who is forced to commute from Mullingar to Tallaght because he couldn't afford a house anywhere else that a 5 cent per litre "carbon tax" is good for the planet. Try telling him to use a non-existent public transport system to cut his carbon emissions. Not that the green sleeveens care about the average slob. They serve a class of self styled dogooder who drinks fair trade coffee, lives in a mortgage free gaff in a leafy suburb and worships Duncan Stewart as a god. May they taste our collective lightning when the next election comes around!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I'm a civil servant....get me out of here!!!- Part 2

Welcome back. Susan, our FAS executive, is preparing for what can only be described as a difficult task. Never in the history of FAS has an executive had to undergo such private sector traumas as:

(1) Travelling economy class on official business (without being allowed to bring any family members along for the ride).
(2) Linking of salary to performance.
(3) Training people with skills that are NEEDED in the workplace!
(4) No spending of tax payers money on lobsters, limousines and flashy hotels.
(5) Being accountable for the work they fail to do and being subject to dismissal without a friendly bag of cash from your pals in the Government.

Susan, already distraught at the thought that she can no longer swipe the company credit card on family dinners in posh restaurants, is now regretting her decision to go into the private sector jungle. She misses her daily lunch trip to Roly's Bistro and is struggling to survive on the toasted specials which are the norm here in the jungle. There will be no pay rises in the jungle this year either so Susan must sit down and write her performance review in the hope that she won't be let go and have to sign on the dole. But Susan isn't used to having to actually do anything to justify her salary. She normally just pitches up whenever suits her, goes to irrelevant and expensive conferences and takes bribes from training companies to supply overpriced and poorly designed courses to the poor unemployed pixie Irish. Susan has had enough of the private sector jungle. "I'M A CIVIL SERVANT, GET ME OUT OF HERE" screams Susan before her boss has a chance to tell her she's fired for gross incompetence and complete uselessness.

So Susan leaves the jungle and will return to her job in an economic twilight zone where value for money, customer service and integrity don't exist. Where the fat cats get fatter and the faked expenses keep getting paid.

Tune in to our next episode where Anto, a hospital porter and SIPTU shop steward, will face the horror of having to pull his finger out of his ass for the first time in twenty years and do an honest days work.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I'm a civil servant....get me out of here!!!- Part 1

In the private sector jungle this year we have 5 civil servants battling it out to keep their guaranteed pension, their job security and their short working week. Before we go racing into tonight's programme let's recap on last night's episode.

Last night we had Mike, a 20 year veteran within the IT ranks of the civil service. Unfortunately for Mike, viewers picked him to undergo a 50 hour week with no overtime and the need to finish projects on time and within budget. Mike nervously took up a challenge which is routine for his counterparts in the private sector. However, due to the combination of no lunch breaks and shear exhaustion on day 2, Mike threw in the towel. But wait! It wasn't all bad news, Mike took solace in the knowledge that he can now go back to wasting tax payers money on overstaffed and technologically obsolete IT projects.

Tonight, FAS executive, Susan has been selected by the public to undergo the next challenge. Will Susan give up her generous pension, her inflated salary and her lavish expenses? Tune in after the break to find out!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Ah Ref!

You couldn't make it up if you tried! In recent days Fianna Fool have been leading the demands for the World Cup playoff with France to be replayed. Now there can be no doubt that the horse-eating, onion-wearing, diving, cheating and dishonest French got away with the sporting crime of the century on Wednesday night. However, for Fianna Fool to come out lecturing about unfairness and respect for the rules of the game is utterly sickening.

What the hell do Fianna Fool take us for? Do the likes of Brian Clown or Doormat Ahern really expect us to believe that they give a damn about our exit from the World Cup. These gobshites have spent 15 years ensuring that the poor pixie Irish will be saddled with the debts of their mates in the property development companies and the banks. They have conspired with the trade unions to donate millions to an under performing and wasteful public service. They have defrauded the tax payer by paying themselves millions more in undeserved salaries and "expenses". What gives them the right to preach about the relatively trivial matter of our exit from the World Cup?

I would love to cheer on the boys in green in South Africa next year. However, it's not a matter of life and death. Our incompetent government, on the other hand, have far more to be worrying about. What about the injustice of bailing out the banks while ordinary men and women are having their homes repossessed without any help from the state? Why not tackle the sickening inequity of a social welfare system where people who want to work and have worked all their lives are treated no differently from the idle wasters who have never and will never contribute to society? Or maybe Fianna Fool would like to invest some time in reforming a criminal justice system which prioritises do-gooder sentiments and looking after the rights of the guilty over protecting the law abiding majority of our citizens.

The petition on the Fianna Fool website mentions "..fair play...dignity and integrity..". It concludes by urging FIFA to

"...prove there is meaning behind these words and show children all over the world that in football those who cheat will not succeed."

How dare Fianna Fool lecture anyone on morality. Who are they to imply that cheating is wrong. And they certainly don't give a damn about our children. They have dedicated their careers to ensuring that our children won't have a future in an economy which has been ruined by years of incompetent and corrupt leadership. Irish politicians have made lucrative careers out of cheating, corruption and dishonesty. The 165 members of the Kildare Street Country Club are such accomplished cheats and liars that they make Sepp Blatter look like the Dalai Lama. For Fianna Fool to jump on the bandwagon and use our unfortunate exit from the World Cup as an excuse to pretend to be on the side of the people is nothing but a cynical and pathetic publicity stunt. It certainly won't prevent them getting a richly deserved red card and five year ban after the next general election!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Bonus Question

And the bonus question for 100 points is.....

Are the Labour Party a shower of half-wits?

After their latest statements on the issue of the non-payment of the social welfare Christmas bonus I can only conclude that they are.

According to Róisín Shortall, Skeletor impressionist and Liebore Party spokesperson on Social and Family Affairs, taxes should have been increased so that the bonus could be paid...

So Skeletor Shortall wants the government to increase taxes so that a bonus payment can be made to those on social welfare! How bloody fair is that? Anyone who is lucky enough to have a job is already up to their eyes in levies and pay cuts. The vast majority of people who have jobs won't be getting any Christmas bonus this year either. So why the hell should we subsidise this bonus payment for those on social welfare?

I'm sick and tired of hearing the likes of Skeletor Shortall bleating on about the poor and vulnerable in society. Are these the same poor souls who draw the dole but can still afford an iPhone, a Sky TV subscription and forty cigarettes a day? Are these the same unfortunates who fill the pubs on their way back from the post office on dole day? Are these the same deprived wretches that didn't work when jobs were plentiful? Well my heart bleeds that we won't be providing them with an extra Christmas payment for them to piss down the toilet!

Now I do realise that there are a whole different category of people depending on social welfare payments. People who have worked all their life and are in receipt of pensions. People who want to work but can't find a job. I do feel sorry for such individuals and I wish that there was a way that they could get more than the lazy scumbags who abuse the social welfare system. Unfortunately it doesn't seem politically correct to discriminate between these categories. The likes of Skeletor Shortall and her communist cronies have ensured that hard work is rewarded on an par with laziness. In any case, the state simply can't afford this bonus payment. The coffers are empty after the criminal bankers were bailed out with billions of quid of tax payer's money.

But the Liebore Party don't do basic economics. They only do stupidity and sanctimony. And speaking of sanctimony, what does Eamon Gilmore Girl think of the decision not to pay the Christmas bonus?

Well surprise surprise! Gilmore Girl is outraged. God forbid he should engage his brain and realise that we can't afford to pay it. We shouldn't expect any rational economic reasoning to come from a man who leads a party whose front bench is drawn primarily from the communist Democratic Left. The Liebore politburo wants to tax the arse off anyone who has a job so that a wasteful public service and a hoard of social welfare recipients can thrive. Meanwhile, the same politburo continues to draw massive salaries for "representing" us in the Dáil. It's easy to favour tax increases when you're raking in over €100,000 a year plus vast expenses. Now that is shameful Gilmore Girl you hypocrite!

Between Gilmore Girl's soundbites of sanctimonious waffle and Skeletor Shortall's Barney the Dinosaur economics, all Fianna Fool will have to do is keep their mouths shut and the opposition will win the next election for them! It's not like Funny Gael have much better to offer with the likes of that ass clown George IToldYouSo Lee championing the cause of people with million euro mortgages.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Let them eat cake!

I see that the Minister for Stupidity is at it again. Mary "Thicko" Coughlan has been urging Irish shoppers not to go north to buy cheaper food and drink. It's easy for aristocrats like Mary to make such pronouncements from the back of her ministerial Mercedes. Like all the other politicians, she is so out of touch with the rest of the poor pixie Irish that she doesn't realise (or care) that most of us are broke and need to head north to put food on the table. You see we don't have the luxury of being a career politician like her. We don't have jobs which pay us vast salaries and inflated expenses in return for wrecking the country and providing utterly incompetent leadership.

Mary Thicko Coughlan and her colleagues in Fianna Fool created an economy where prices spiralled out of control. This was achieved with cooperation from the money grabbing unions and IBEC. They then conspired to cultivate a banking system which was so devoid of regulation that banks could lend money as they pleased. When the whole house of cards collapsed and ordinary worms like you and me were left with pay cuts, negative equity and general poverty, Fianna Fool blamed the global credit crunch. The line "...Ireland is a small open economy..." was trotted out ad nauseum by government ministers to try and demonstrate that the global economic downturn was the cause of all our woes. What utter rubbish! 15 years of corruption, legislating based on Galway race tent donations, fueling the property bubble and general irresponsibility has wrecked this country. The global downturn was just the final kick in the nuts for us.

One of the problems in a small open economy is that we are open to competition in all areas of economic activity. We have already hemorrhaged jobs as companies relocate to countries where costs are cheaper. Apart from spouting rubbish about the "knowledge economy", the government has done little to address this. Another consequence of our open economy is that we are free to spend what little money we still have as we please. If this means going up north to get our groceries then so be it. Fianna Fool are such believers in the free market that they should realise that the laws of supply and demand should soon see the situation sort itself out. If the Irish retailers and the government don't do something to reduce the cost of living we will continue to shop in the cheapest place. Last year the idiots increased VAT, making Northern Ireland an even better value prospect!

So Thicko Coughlan should shut her face and stop moaning about Irish people shopping in the north. If she wants to remedy the situation she could actually do her job and introduce some measures to make it cheaper to shop down here. But Thicko doesn't do proactivity and initiative. She'd rather sit in her tower and condemn as unpatriotic those who travel north of the border to shop. The stupid wagon probably hasn't done a weekly shop in over 15 years. She wouldn't know what it's like to have to struggle to feed and cloth a family from a diminishing wage.

Dumb Mary's attempt to run a guilt trip on us for shopping in the north demonstrates that she is a thick as she looks. When Queen Marie Antoinette adopted such a "let them eat cake" attitude in 18th century France she lost her head. Luckily for Mary the imbecile queen Coughlan, she only stands to loose her seat.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Where oh where can that brave man be?

Where oh where is our James Connolly,
Where oh where can that brave man be,
He has gone to organise the Union,
That working men might yet be free.

This is the opening verse of a well known rebel song about one of Ireland's most famous trade unionists. As one of the leaders of the Irish Transport and General Workers’ Union, Connolly took on the might of greedy Irish employers between 1911 and 1914. Connolly was a man who practised what he preached. He united Catholic and Protestant workers in Belfast and inspired them to stand together in search of improved pay and conditions. He was jailed during the failed 1913 Dublin lockout. He founded the Irish Citizen Army to protect workers from the brutality of police attacks. After the 1916 rising Connolly was executed for his role in, what he saw as, a war against capitalist oppression of the working classes. Whether you agree with Connolly's politics or not there can be no doubt that this man was honest, brave and sincere. Connolly was undoubtedly one of the forefathers of the Irish labour movement. The protection of workers' rights, fair rates of pay and safe working conditions that we enjoy today were fought for by men like James Connolly.

Now lets fast forward a century or so. Brave workers' leaders like James Connolly have been replaced by money-grabbing charlatans such as SIPTU chief "I'm All Right Jack" O'Connor, IMPACT's Peter "Silver Spoon" McLoone, John "Cuban Cigar" Carr of the INTO and, of course, Labour Party leader and King of sanctimony - Eamon Gilmore Girl. These people and their ilk have made lucrative careers off the backs of Ireland's workers. Like the 165 members of the Kildare Street Country Club, our union leaders benefited most from the boom days of the Celtic Tiger (RIP). The sickeningly high salaries that our union leaders are paid has been well documented in recent days. The huge salaries these supposed leaders of the proletariat are earning would have the brave James Connolly spinning in his grave.

It gives me the sick to listen to the likes of "I'm All Right Jack" O'Connor preaching about workers rights and the plight of the low earner when he is raking in almost €125,000 per year. And you can bet your ass that there's a whack of expenses to add to that. As workers all over this country suffer pay cuts and economic hardship, O'Connor doesn't feel the need to show any solidarity.

But O'Connor isn't the only one with his head in the sand. Thousands of public servants are threatening an all out strike this winter because the state needs to reduce their pay. The fact that they have been awarded repeated pay rises over the past 15 years in return for no improvements in productivity is conveniently forgotten. Anyone who is unfortunate enough to have to deal with public or civil servants will know that helpfulness and a focus on customer service is the last thing they care about. If you are unlucky enough to have to go and sign on the dole you will know what I'm talking about. The typical " says no....cough..." attitude of most front line public servants needs to change. The people of Ireland pay their wages so they should treat us like customers not inconveniences. They deserve a pay cut for their complete lack of work ethic alone. How dare they threaten to strike when we have tolerated their ignorance and waste for decades. Anyone who picks up a picket placard this winter needs to ask themselves if they see a problem with paying their union leader (Silver Spoon McLoone) over €150,000 per annum. I urge any prospective striker to ask your comrades in the union what they are doing with your subscriptions. Ask them why they are paid higher salaries than a TD. You should be picketing your union headquarters rather than holding the country to ransom. How on earth can the ordinary men and women of Ireland be expected to sympathise with striking workers who are represented by men who enjoy such massive salaries.

Ireland's experiment with social partnership has led to a situation whereby we pissed billions of euro down the toilet in return for nothing. The civil and public service is as wasteful and inefficient as ever. Pay for performance doesn't exist. Hard work and a focus on customer service is discouraged. And we can thank the likes of Silver Spoon McLoone and I'm Alright Jack O'Connor for this. Together with their mates in the Dáil they conspired to waste the riches this country enjoyed. And now that they have squandered the money they want to amuse themselves by causing strikes. They have nothing to fear if the country grinds to a halt. They don't have to worry about feeding their families or paying the mortgage. The biggest thing bothering the union leaders these days is that the FAS gravy train has been derailed before they got their chance to sit on the board and scam the taxpayer out of yet more money.

The union leaders of this country don't give a damn about the ordinary worker. The supposed "labour movement" in this country is a complete sell out. It has gone from being represented by heros like James Connolly to Charvet shirt wearing gombeen men like I'm Alright Jack O'Connor and Silver Spoon McLoone.

When the unions can get their own houses in order and dismiss their overpaid and out of touch politburos the ordinary people of Ireland might start viewing their claims with a modicum of sympathy. Until then they can rot on the picket lines because they are a shower of hypocritical wasters.

So where oh where can that brave man be? Well I'm not sure where he is. But I can assure you that he isn't in Liberty Hall or the headquarters of any other union in this country. The modern day union leader is more William Martin Murphy than James Connolly!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Sinne Fianna Fooled

So the voting's over
And the evil yes side won
Ireland's people have been hoodwinked
They've approved the vile Lisbon

Our scumbag politicians
Seeking bribes and well paid roles
Can now take our constitution
And use it to wipe their holes

They spent a lot on posters
Used fear and lies as tools
And Ireland you believed them
You poor weak minded fools

The corrupt power-hungry eurocrats
Will now react with glee
Lisbon Treaty 2009
Reichstag fire 1933

They took our first decision
And flushed it like waste sludge
Have we signed Europe's death warrant?
History will be our judge!

By DarkPassenger

Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Lizard's Prayer

More power for us
Your rights we'll subdue
Vote yes to Lisbon
We command you!

Over the economy and NAMA
We childishly fight
But for corrupt Lisbon
We conspire and unite

You see after Lisbon
We'll do as we please
There'll be no more referendums
To inhibit our sleaze

We'll lie and we'll cheat
And we'll make ourselves rich
We'll be commissioners
You'll be Europe's bitch!

To be chanted on the eve of the Lisbon referendum by all the scumbag millionaires who stand to gain most if we sell ourselves out on October 2nd.

Do not be convinced by their scaremongering.

Do not endorse their inept leadership.

And remember.... Anger is a gift - vote no on October 2nd.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Club Lisbon

Do these people have a track record in competence, morality, patriotism, humility, charity or sincerity?

Have their actions over their careers indicated that they give a damn about Ireland or its people?

Have they bickered and scored cheap political points while the economy goes down the swanny?

Have they failed to explain why the Lisbon Treaty is supposed to be such an obviously good piece of legislation or have they fudged matters by scaremongering and pretending that we'll be kicked out of the EU if we don't bow to their superior intellect?

Why should we trust them when they unite to command us to sign away our constitutional rights on October 2nd?

If in doubt - vote it out!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Iguana, Gecko or Chameleon?

In recent weeks I've had a number of conversations (arguments) with people who claim to be in favour of the Lisbon Treaty. They generally lack a basic understanding of any of the facts relating to this referendum. When challenged on the issues they usually respond by condemning any dissenting voice as a communist, hard-right, Sinn Feiner who also attends Libertas meetings on the side. Here is a brief summary of a typical conversation with the pro-Lisbon voter (I now call them Lizards).

Lizard: I can't wait till Lisbon is passed. It is good for Ireland and good for Europe.

DarkPassenger: Really, would you care to explain how it is good for us?

Lizard: It just is. We are better off in Europe than outside it.

DarkPassenger: But this is not a referendum on our continued membership of the European Union. It is, however, a referendum on some fundamental changes to the way the EU operates and will undoubtedly confer substantial powers on an unelected European elite. Discuss?

Lizard: So you are against Lisbon. You must be a communist. You must also be in Libertas and Coir and Youth Defence.

DarkPassenger: Ha ha ha ha (wags finger). That must make you a card carrying blueshirt or Fianna Fool hack. I don't fall into any of the categories you mention. I do, however, fall into the category of educated people who like to inform themselves about what they are voting for. Have you read the treaty Lizard?

Lizard: I won't waste my time reading it. All the politicians say it is a good idea. That's enough for me.

DarkPassenger: These would be the same politicians who have lied, cheated and stolen from the Irish citizen for decades? The same scumbag millionaires who continue to rape the exchequer, claiming millions in unvouched expenses. Has it occurred to you that what is good for corrupt self serving politicians is not good for Ireland?

Lizard: You must be in Sinn Fein.

DarkPassenger: Wrong again. Can you now explain, with reference to the relevant articles of the treaty, how it is good for Ireland?

Lizard: Well we have the guarantees that our government expertly negotiated.

DarkPassenger: You call them guarantees, I call them Andrex. The fact of the matter is that your beloved guarantees are worthless. The European Court of Justice will have the power to rule these unlawful at any time. If you had a basic understanding of how the EU operated you would know this.

Lizard: Well you haven't any proof that Lisbon will be bad for Ireland.

DarkPassenger: Au contraire my poor deluded friend. I have plenty of evidence to suggest that the Lisbon treaty will be bad for Ireland. Take article 113. This opens the door for Europe to inflict indirect taxes on countries such as Ireland " avoid distortion of competition." This amendment would give the European Court of Justice the power to deem Ireland's low corporate tax rate a distortion to competition. Therefore, companies who are resident in Ireland could be forced to pay some of their corporate tax to other EU countries where their goods are being sold. We would have no option but to increase our corporation tax rate to address this "distortion to competition". What will that do for foreign direct investment here?

Lizard: But the guarantees say that Europe can't force us to increase our corporation tax rates.

DarkPassenger: Even if the guarantees were enforceable - this guarantee would mean nothing. Europe may not directly force us to increase tax rates. However, through the vehicles of Enhanced Cooperation and the European Court of Justice - we could be forced to pay punitive indirect taxes which would force us to "elect" to increase our tax rate. Most European states don't like our corporate tax regime and will be only too delighted to band together to force us to change it.

Lizard: Well model politicians like Pat Cox say Lisbon is vital for Ireland's future - I trust him to tell me how to think.

DarkPassenger: I feel sorry for you Lizard. Just because the press say Pat Cox is a model European you believe them. There is considerable evidence to suggest that Pat Cox has a lot to lose if Lisbon fails. Mr. Cox acts as an advisor to companies such as Pfizer, Microsoft and Michelin. He is the managing partner of European Integration Solutions, a Washington DC - Brussels based transatlantic consulting/lobbying firm. He also acts as a senior counselor for lobby consultancy giant APCO. Now explain to me how a man such as this can claim to offer advice that is impartial? Explain to me how he can claim to represent our best interests? It strikes me that a man like this could use his connections in Europe to reap massive rewards when a post Lisbon EU assumes even more power.

Lizard: Well I don't care. I'm voting for Lisbon anyway - no matter what you say.

DarkPassenger: But we have so much more to discuss: Militarisation (Article 42), Immigration (Article 79), new EU taxes (Article 311), the primacy of the EU over the indivudual states (Articles 1, 47, Delcaration 17).....

Lizard: You are just making up numbers now.

DarkPassenger: Enough said you weak minded fool! Bad enough that our political masters have already wiped their arses with our first decision on this treaty but now you can't even be bothered to read the relevant documents. I don't care how anybody votes as long as they equip themselves with the facts necessary to make an informed decision. As Forrest Gump said "stupid is as stupid does". And Lizard - you do stupid very well.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

New Schedule, Old Rubbish

Hot on the heels of recent televisual calamities such as Charity Lord of the Rings - RTE has released its 2009/2010 new season schedule. Let's examine how RTE will squander our licence fee over the coming year:

News, Current Affairs & Factual.
RTE will kick an already depressed nation in the nuts with an assortment of digital downers such as:
  • Addicted To Money - Presented by David McWilliams
    "David McWilliams surveys the wreckage of the global economy and points to the worrying, but potentially transformative challenges ahead"
    Sweet Jesus - that's all we need. Another exercise in smugness and misery brought to us by the Harry Potter of Irish economics. How many different ways can McWilliams say "I told you so". We know the place is wrecked - the last thing we need is to do is send him all over the world to point out the bloody obvious.

  • The Frontline - Presented by Pat Kenny
    "...will instigate lively debate on the most important news stories of the week between selected guests and a studio audience."
    Surely associating the word "lively" with Pat Kenny is a bit ambitious. This "new" current affairs program will undoubtedly follow the same nauseating format as its predecessors: The usual connected politicians and journos will answer preselected "questions" from an audience of party hacks and toadies. Allowing Kenny to present this pantomime is akin to feeding sleeping pill sandwiches to a pilot before a transatlantic flight.

  • Elsewhere in this category most of the old reliables such as Nationwide, Ear to the Ground and Crimecall return to bore us into submission. There are a few potentially interesting programmes unveiled in this category. The 90 minute special If Lynch Had Invaded examines how Jack Lynch handled the crisis in 1969 and explores what would have happened if he had ordered Irish troops to cross the border in protection of the nationalists being victimised in Derry. And there's a three part documentary about Charlie "Dirt" Bird's year in America. I wonder if this will involve a thorough analysis of his expense account?
If ever a programming category was misnamed it was this one.

"..some of Ireland's top comedians are let loose on RTE Two and are amongst the talent in nine brand new and nine returning entertainment shows."
Fan-bleedin-tastic! We get to have our intelligence insulted by overpaid muppets like the Ryan sisters (Gerry and Tubridy). We pay for Maeve Higgins to give her a sister a job in another RTE nepotism special: Fancy Vittles. A new "10 O'Clock Show" promises "audience participation, new comedy inserts......and a lot of messing about." Odds on that this will involve the usual suspects like Neil Delamere, Ed Byrne et al. laughing at their own feeble attempts at humorous commentary on weekly events. RTE will also continue to broadcast cringefests such as The All Ireland Talent Show and Up For the Match - leprechaun TV at its best.

RTE's "Lifestyle" offerings are predictably gag inducing:

The king of sanctimonious tree hugging, Duncan Stewart, returns for a 10th season of the fantasy building programme About The House. Off The Rails continues to lecture our women folk about outrageously expensive and unattainable fashion and beauty solutions. RTE give Baz Ashmawy yet another opportunity to humiliate himself at considerable expense to the licence payer in Baz's Culture Clash. Meanwhile human thunderbird Dr. Mark Hamilton hits the streets with a mobile clinic in Health of the Nation. And we'll be needing to avail of Dr. Thunderbird's services after RTE have offended our eyes and ears into submission through programmes presented by Richard Corrigan, Shane McGowan and Neville Knot. Thanks be to jaysus that Lucy Kennedy is on maternity leave so we don't have to put up with her crimes against consciousness for a few months!

Nothing noteworthy here. As long as they keep employing Eamo and Gilesie we'll be guaranteed some entertainment from the Sports Department! In fact RTE should consider replacing their stock "comedians" with sports department personnel. Some of George Hamilton and Jimmy Magee's one liners belong on a sketch show rather than a sports commentary!

This is the category which allows RTE to spend bags of cash on successful American TV series. RTE will be showing proven hits such as Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy and The Mentalist. New series such as Flash Forward, The Good Wife and Nurse Jackie will also be aired in 2009/2010. It's a certainty that RTE will also continue to broadcast a large proportion of these "acquisitions" at times when most of its target audience will be in bed. Entourage, 24 and Brothers and Sisters all suffered this fate last year. But should we expect any better from an organisation that doesn't have to give a damn about customer satisfaction due to its protected and pampered standing and the undeserved licence fee it receives.

It seems that when RTE needs to justify the salaries of a couple of complete wastes of space it creates a few religion programmes for them to present. Enter Joe Duffy and Marian Finucane. Joe and Marian have turned radio into a thought free zone during their trashy radio programmes. Now they get to do the same on the telly through their religion programmes on RTE. Joe will be presenting his Spirit Level religious magazine programme. Let's hope that the show doesn't require any intelligent input or sincerity from its host! Marion will be presenting a four part series entitled Does God Hate... Well Marion, you can bet your life that if God was a licence payer he would truly hate RTE!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Meet The Slobs

I'm sure most people remember the classic Harry Enfield characters Wayne and Waynetta slob. This pair of chavs were thick as planks yet sly as foxes. They hadn't got two brain cells to rub together yet they lived comfortably despite never working a day in their lives.

Enter Ireland's answer to Wayne and Waynetta Slob. This poster family for scrounging and laziness typify the attitude of many of this state's citizens. They sit on their fat arses demanding free this and subsidised that while ordinary working families struggle to make ends meet. They extract thousands of euro from state coffers every month and continue to demand more. They pop out kid after kid and expect to be rewarded for it by working people who can't afford to start their own families.

The unfortunate truth is that we all know plenty of people similar to Wayne and Waynetta. The inconvenient truth is that we only have ourselves to blame for the easy life these parasites are allowed to live. For too long we have tolerated their shameful playing of the system. There seems to be something inherently Irish about giving someone kudos for making a living out of laziness or downright fraud. We all know people who are on "the sick" - claiming disability allowance because their doctor will provide them with endless sick certs without any real proof that they can't work. We all know people who are popping every pill they can get a prescription for because both their unnecessary doctor's visit and their expensive drugs are paid for by the state. And we all know people who view alcohol and cigarettes as a basic human right even though they are supposedly unemployed and impoverished!

Yet the Wayne and Waynettas of Ireland expect us to treat them with respect. And us poor pixie Irish have thus far been stupid enough to do exactly that. We have turned a blind eye to welfare fraud seeing it as getting one over on "The State". People who do their best to avoid work while raking in thousands in benefits are seen to be doing no harm as "The State" is picking up the tab. Well we are the bloody state! And just as the bankers and property developers have robbed (and will continue to rob) us of billions through bank bailouts and NAMA, these serial spongers will do the same. It's about time we started treating them like the wastes of space they are:
  • The welfare system needs to be reformed to discriminate between A)people who are proven to have worked and are actively seeking work and B)people who are making a lifestyle choice in being "unemployed".

    It is time we saw two queues at the dole office: one for people in category A and one for the wasters in category B. The unmotivated public servants will be encouraged to provide the wasters with the usual level of obstruction and ignorance while the job seeker will be afforded some respect and assistance.

  • The billing records of service providers like Sky and NTL should be examined to identify customers who are also availing of state benefits designed to alleviate poverty. These people should made to repay the money they have squandered on luxuries like subscription satellite TV or broadband.

  • Let's see some publicity campaigns launched which will stigmatise people who treat the welfare state like a cash cow. People should feel outraged and offended that the Wayne and Waynettas of this world treat the state and it's citizens with such disrespect as that displayed by the Slobs.

  • We should not be afraid to object to the preaching of sanctimonious politicians and supposed do-gooder organisations like CORI. Check out this piece of vomit inducing hypocrisy taken from CORI's "Thought of the Day" page for Tuesday 18th August:

    “When I give food to the poor they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food they call me a communist.”

    Well CORI - when you sexually abuse a child we call you a paedophile. Go and atone for your considerable crimes against generations of unfortunate children before you climb into your ivory towers and start preaching about charity and goodwill.

    And don't even get me started on hypocrite politicians like Eamon Gilmore Girl who claim to represent the poor and marginalised. Gilmore and his ilk can go and drink a steaming hot cup of shut the fuck up. This article illustrates Gilmore Girl's complete reluctance to even countenance reform of the welfare system. What's the bets that Wayne and Waynetta are Labour voters?

  • Most importantly we all need to cop on. We should be openly questioning friends and family who are ripping the piss out of the social welfare system. Why should we feel like monsters for questioning anyone who we believe is taking advantage of the tax payer? Yes, there are people who are genuinely down on their luck. They have lost their jobs and deserve help and sympathy. But how can anyone justify a monthly net income of €3,064 for being so openly idle and greedy as the Slobs appear to be?

    People like this would make even Wayne and Waynetta Slob blush with embarrassment!

Friday, July 31, 2009

BaNAMA Republic

So the much awaited NAMA draft legislation has been published. I'm not going to discuss the ins and outs of Fianna Fool's Financial Flash Gordon plan to save our economy! It suffices to say that anything which this government proposes should be viewed with utter suspicion. Do they really expect us to believe that they are acting for the good of the nation? It would seem to me that the plan is to burden an already crippled economy with the debts of our evil and greedy banks. The determination of the "discount" that will be applied to loans bought by NAMA seems to be very vague. It appears that NAMA will be paying above the market value for dodgy loans. The banks and developers will be off the hook and the poor pixie Irish will be left footing the bill AGAIN.

If anyone believes that our inept Minister for Finance or any of his simpleton civil servants are capable of producing a positive outcome for our country they must be mad. For years they have pursued flawed economic policies. Why should we trust them to have changed the habit of a lifetime now?

It isn't the first time that our beloved political masters have deprived the taxpayer of vast sums of money and it won't be the last. Remember how, in 1987, Ray Burke abolished the requirement for oil and gas companies to pay royalties for commercial finds in our territory. He also abolished the 50% stake that Ireland could claim in these finds. In 1992 Betray Ahern further improved the conditions for exploration companies by reducing their corporation tax liability from 50% to 25%. The Irish taxpayer has been robbed of millions of much needed Euro while foreign companies make a fortune.

Remember how tribunal after tribunal has pissed millions of quid of our money down the toilet? Barristers have made millions while the people of Ireland have seen little justice served on corrupt politicians or crooked gardaí.

One suspects that NAMA will produce a similar outcome to the aforementioned crimes against our country.

I urge everyone to educate themselves on the contents of the NAMA legislation. This plan for a financial septic tank will impoverish this country for generations. We owe it to our children and grandchildren to inform ourselves about how this agency will operate. And if we feel that the scumbag millionaire politicians are again selling us down the swanny we owe it to ourselves to fight them. They have gotten used to stealing our country's scarce resources and giving them to their paymasters in multi-national corporations. We must now stand up to them before they do it again!

Some required reading:

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Silver Lining

Things have been quiet around here for the last couple of weeks. Devoted Dexter is sunning himself on his boat off the coast of Florida. And as for me, well let's just say there is lots to talk about but I've been so depressed by the state of things that blogging about them would send me over the edge. In fairness it's hard to stay upbeat these days. Everywhere you look it's recession, cuts, taxes, misery and, of course, the usual helping of sickening hypocrisy from our beloved public representatives. So in this post, instead of my usual dose of bile and vitriol, I will try and concentrate on the upside of "de recession". I'm putting my faith in the old chestnut of every cloud having a silver lining - it's just a matter of looking for it hard enough! So what are the upsides of the economic H-bomb that has detonated over our poor island in recent months?
  • The price of stuff is going down: we still have a way to go but the profiteering retailers know that the days of people paying ridiculous prices (with borrowed money) are over.

  • We appreciate our money more: there can be no doubt that the spending patterns of Celtic Tiger Ireland were crazy. People squandered cash on all manner of needless crap. We became a nation of label lovers with our Orla Kiely handbags, D&G sunglasses, Jimmy Choo shoes, Tag watches etc. etc. etc. Of course there's nothing wrong with liking your labels but let's face it there are more important things in life than buying fancy stuff every week. Maybe we will now appreciate it when we treat ourselves to the odd luxury. What's seldom is wonderful after all!

  • Ireland might qualify for the World Cup: Surely it is more than a coincidence that our football team enjoyed its most successful period in the days before our economy went into overdrive. I firmly believe that there is some undiscovered scientific rule that links our economic strength inversely to our football team's success. Let's hope that this theory holds firm and we'll be cheering on the boys in green in South Africa next year.

  • Less SUVs on the road: One of my many pet hates is the SUV. This hideous fuel guzzling behemoth undoubtedly symbolised the Celtic Tiger preoccupation with overindulgence and waste. A friggin' monster truck with one kid in the back seat driven by a soccer mom never made sense. Hopefully people will now go back to driving proper cars and leave the jeeps to be driven by the few builders and tradesmen who can still find work.

  • Haggling is back: During the boom years you were made to feel like a pariah for having the temerity to haggle with a sales person. Well, well, well, how the worm has turned! The shops are begging you to haggle now. That annoying Australian tosser from Harvey Norman is always on the radio pleading with the poor pixie Irish to haggle with his staff. And a car salesman will happily brighten up his impoverished and lonely day by haggling with the rare customer who might consider buying a car. So get haggling people. We have years of profiteering to avenge!

  • The curse of the property programme may be lifted: Hopefully we will now see the cancellation of the multitude of nauseating property programmes which have infested our telly boxes for years. We haven't got the money to even dream of moving gaffs so surely Duncan Stewart, Kirstie Allsopp et al. will be banished from our televisions forever!

  • The recession might even be good for our society: People generally smoke less, drink less alcohol and exercise more during a recession. With people devoting fewer hours to work they are also more likely to get involved in their communities and spend more time with their families. In the last decade or so obesity levels have soared and a sense of community was becoming a rare characteristic in modern Ireland. If the recession facilitates the emergence of a healthier and more caring society that can only be a good thing.

So there's my attempt at presenting the bright side of our current woes. Let's hope that when the bust turns to boom again we can remember the lessons we have learnt during these troubled times.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Lyin' King

No I haven't gone soft and taken to blogging about Disney cartoon characters! I'm referring to the biggest liar in the Dáil. The Kildare Street Country Club is full of hypocrites. All 166 of them have lied, misrepresented facts and generally betrayed their constituents and the people of Ireland. But who is the biggest hypocrite of them all? There are a number of contenders:

  • The whole government front bench. They're so used to lies and deceit that it has become second nature to them. They preach about saving the economy they wrecked, they oversee the mockery of our democratic rights and generally behave in a fashion that would make Robert Mugabe blush. But they don't win the prize.

  • Enda de road Kenny probably believes his own bullshit, but the grand aul gobshite of Irish politics is a mere thunderbird at the helm of a pit of vipers. The likes of the hated IToldYouSo Lee, Hangman Hayes, Count Leo von Varadkar and Lucinda the Teenage Witch Creighton specialise in a unique brand of spite-riddled blueshirt misinformation. Even this shower don't win the prize.

  • The Green Sleeveen Party. I have already outlined the undoubted hypocrisy of these tree hugging halfwits. But not even a green sleeveen has the streak of pure evil necessary to be awarded the title of Lyin' King.

Enter Eamon Gilmore Girl. Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner!

Eamon Gilmore Girl is the winner of the coveted title of Lyin' King 2009. Deceit, lies, insincerity and misrepresentation are his core competencies.

Gilmore Girl likes to take the moral high ground. He invents tales of "a man he knows who <insert convenient sob story about how people are suffering because Lie-bore aren't in power here>". Gilmore's story always ends in a craw thumping statement which shows that the Lie-bore party is a beacon of morality and justice. He must think we have the collective intelligence of an amoeba. Gilmore Girl is the self styled hero of the working man yet he has never been employed in a proper productive job. He went from being an Official Sinn Féin student activist and USI president to Dublin City Council to Dáil Eireann. He hasn't done an honest days work in his life! A cursory examination of Gilmore Girl's behaviour over the last year shows that both he and his party don't have any policies or principals and that appealing to the lowest common denominator is all they care about.

Gilmore Girl's utterances in the aftermath of the rejection of the evil Lisbon Treaty are a prime example of his Class A hypocrisy.

In this interview with RTE on Six One News on 13/06/08 he decided to back the democratic decision of the people of Ireland:

"I think the Lisbon Treaty is dead. The Lisbon Treaty to be ratified requires 27 Member States to ratify it. The Irish people have now decided in a Referendum that they do not wish to have it ratified therefore Ireland cannot ratify the Lisbon Treaty and therefore the Lisbon Treaty falls"

“I don't think there's any question of this Treaty being put a second time to the people”

By June of this year, in this press release Gilmore Girl had done a complete U-turn (more than likely his commie colleagues in Europe had made a few calls reminding him of the vast rewards that awaited politicians after the people of Europe had been disenfranchised in a post Lisbon system):

"I welcome the reported conclusions of the European Council in Brussels today which I am confident will now enable the Lisbon Treaty to be put to the Irish people and endorsed by them."

"I will now be recommending to the Labour Party that we support and strongly campaign for the ratification of the Treaty at the referendum expected to take place in the autumn."

The Lie-bore party leader's behaviour over the pension levy also demonstrate his sickening lack of respect for our intelligence. This press release typifies Gilmore's two-faced approach.

Gilmore Girl and his politburo think that the pension levy is "unfair in that it places an unacceptable burden on public servants on modest incomes". He speaks of fairness and equity and deplores the unfair treatment of public servants. He mentions nothing about the fact that these same people are virtually unsackable. That they were continually awarded pay rises regardless of performance and that they enjoy pension entitlements that a private sector worker can only dream of. This toad doesn't give a stuff about fairness. He merely wants to look after his cronies in the unions (the same cronies who provide funding to his party)

Gilmore Girl likes to preach one thing and do another when it comes to reforming political culture. The Lie-bore document on reforming political life mentions regulating the practice of political lobbying yet they are inextricably linked with the unions. He bemoans the performance of the community welfare system yet is opposed to the reform which is necessary to save it. He has opposed all attempts to back up our failing banking system yet he would nationalise the banks - funnily enough this would effectively increase the size of the public service payroll and ensure yet more power for his mates in the unions.

Perhaps the biggest act of hypocrisy that Gilmore Girl is guilty of is his desire to enter into government with Fine Gael. He has previously served in coalition government with the blueshirts even though they are probably the party most ideologically opposed to Lie-bore principles. When Fianna Fool are dumped out after the next election Gilmore Girl will again enter into government with the blueshirts. He will abandon many of his supposed socialist beliefs in order to secure a ministerial position (and the bags of cash that go with it).

Eamon Gilmore Girl is a living, breathing, lying political paradox. He claims to be a socialist yet enjoys a salary far above what his beloved proletariat earn. He claims to be on the side of the working man yet favours the over taxation of working people in order to support people who aren't even looking for a job. He claims to favour bringing reform and transparency to our political system yet he will enter into government with a Funny Gael party who are just as corrupt and self-serving as Fianna Fool. You would expect a beacon of socialism such as Gilmore Girl to be elected by unwashed masses in hoods like Tallaght or Ballymun. Ha ha ha ha ha - you couldn't get further from the truth. Gilmore Girl, in true paradoxical fashion, is elected by the south side cappuccino drinking, Mercedes driving, privately schooled yuppies of Dún Laoghaire. Socialist my arse. I bet he wears a blue shirt under his red commie jacket!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Filling their pockets, emptying yours

Dex: Hello Mr. Pharmacist, I have just been to the doctor who has happily emptied my bank account and sent me here to purchase some overpriced drugs, driving me further into debt.

Pharmacist: I totally understand Dex, but you must understand it's not just me ripping you off. The doctors, the drug companies and the lack of any Government pressure on all these groups ensures that we all live healthy lives while you and your family have to think twice before coming in here!

Dex: I believe Mary Harney, the health beacon of Irish society, is cutting your fees for the Drug Scheme?

Pharmacist: Yes it's shocking, you know we only make a 50% mark up!! Can you believe that.
50% percent. What's the issue, we are only doubling the price of medicine, what's the big deal? Dex you seem upset.

Dex: Well the fact that I can buy the same medicine in Spain/France/UK for approx. 60% less kinda pisses me off! For example, asthma medicine costs 65% less in Spain than here for the exact same stuff.

Pharmacist: That explains why pharmacists in Spain aren't as rich as us!

Dex: In the UK, the doctor is free and all prescriptions are a set price. Sounds like a great system and good use of tax payers' money?

Pharmacist: Are you mad! Free doctors....Hello, why make them free when they can earn €60 - €80 a visit. The government would never pay that rate! Set medical prices, now you are losing the plot. What happened to my 50% margin!

Dex: How come you don't sell as many generic drugs as they do overseas? Surely this would keep prices down. Is it because of the reduced commission from the drug companies?

Pharmacist: I decline to answer that one!

Dex: So do you think Fat Mary will force you to reduce your margins on prescription drugs for non drug scheme users? I'm not on the drug scheme, so what about me? I'm still getting charged the 50+% mark up.

Pharmacist: But we have to rip someone off, we have to maintain our inflated profit margins some way. Anyway, she is only interested in saving cash for the government not for you. Remember it is this government that agreed to these margins in the first place. Blame them, not me!

Dex: So you're going to continue to rob us blind for essential medication?

Pharmacist: YES! - Take care Dex. Who's next for me to mug.... I mean serve?

STOP THE RIP OFF - Get Emailing, write to your TD, the drug companies, the Irish Pharmacy Union. Nothing will change if you DO NOTHING! Its your money...demand value for it!

Useful links: Contact The Irish Pharmacy Union

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Making the Dáil look like good value for money.

Have a read of this interesting little article. It pretty much confirms what we already knew - RTE is a badly run organisation where tax payers money is routinely wasted. This makes the Dáil look like good value for money. The following facts even make FAS look like a bastion of frugality:

  • Village idiots like Joe Duffy are earning more than the highest paid politician and public servant in the land!

  • Marian Finucane earns more than €400,000 for two mornings of week-end work for about 8 months annually!

  • It is costing us at least half a million dollars a year to keep Charlie "Dirt" Bird in Washington.

  • RTE steals about €200 million of our money every year and wastes it on executive salaries and asshat presenters such as Gerry Ryan. They then take the remainder and buy up prime time shows and put them on late at night just so their unsubsidised competitors can't have them.

We should be marching on the streets about the way this organisation is pissing our money down the toilet. And it's not like we can opt out of paying the licence fee. We'd have that multilingual baldy TV licence guy round persecuting us as soon as we cancelled the direct debit!

Interestingly enough the newly elected messiah for Dublin South, George IToldYouSo Lee, thinks that RTE is run very well. He said so on Today FM a couple of days before the recent elections. So Fine Gael's newest Hobbit spent years preaching about waste, irresponsibility and greed yet he worked in an organisation where all these things were endemic. And now that RTE has been run into the ground and its staff are facing pay cuts IToldYouSo Lee has decided to jump ship. Interesting timing there George - you obviously didn't fancy a pay cut did you? Well runty Lee has now found his true calling as hypocrisy and greed are traits that will serve him well in Dáil Eireann. And he can continue to piss away taxpayers' money - just like his mates over in RTE.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Count On This

Well the counting is over and it's time to assess the damage. On the plus side Fianna Fool has suffered a severe humbling. Their worst performance in an election EVER. This is their reward for years of selfish, corrupt and inept leadership. Let's see how Brian Clown and his circus of a front bench get out of this fine mess!

Unfortunately the electorate turned to Funny Gael and the Lie-bore party. Seeing the likes of George IToldYouSo Lee being elected wasn't surprising. That didn't stop me feeling truly sickened though. Obviously 53% of Dublin South voters couldn't have been bothered educating themselves about IToldYouSo's ill conceived "policies". They believed his mantra of "a straight talker with credibility". Straight talker my arse. The runtish little hobbit has spent the last 10 years engineering a situation that would ensure his election would be a fait accompli. Well lets see how IToldYouSo holds up when he has to deliver the goods. It is already obvious that he doesn't like his saintly wisdom to be questioned. And some of the bullshit he has come out with during his cannonisation as a TD (like RTE is a well run organisation) has been truly funny. I firmly believe that time will prove IToldYouSo to be nothing but an opportunist money-grabbing charlatan.

The rise of the Lie-bore party is another joke. These muppets now have themselves down as contenders to be the biggest party after the next general election. Ha ha ha ha ha - dream on you commie fools. It is fairly obvious that much of the Fianna Fool vote has been temporarily parked with the communists. Their success in this poll says more about Fianna Fool's lack of appeal than any of Lie-bore's dodgy leftie policies.

Speaking of communists, I was delighted to see Joe Higgins taking Eoin Ryan's seat. It must have been a right kick in the arse for Fianna Fool after they put so much effort into saving him. Higgins may have some questionable policies but at least we can be sure that he will stick it to the political establishment. The fact that this will annoy Fianna Fool, Lie-bore and Funny Gael makes his election a victory for everyone who is sick of the elitist corruption that has become synonymous with Irish politics.

The strong showing of independent candidates all over the country further emphasises our frustrations with party politics. It was especially pleasing to see Maureen O'Sullivan win so convincingly in Dublin Central. It was equally pleasing to see Fianna Fool paying the price for selecting the bumbling Maurice Ahern ahead of the infinitely superior Mary Fitzpatrick. This decision pretty much sums up all that is wrong with a Fianna Fool party where nepotism, greed and incompetence is preferred to ability, intellect and endeavour.

What cheered DarkPassenger most about these elections was the annihilation of the Green Sleveen Party. The inept, tree hugging megalomaniacs have been rewarded for their complete lack of ability with a whooping from the Irish electorate. We'll see how Yesman Ryan, Trevbore Sargent and Johan von Gormless react now that their Dáil seats are in complete jeopardy. They better make damn sure they can ride out the full 5 year term of this government so that they can secure the highest pension and compensation payment possible after they are handed their P45s in 2012.

And what will our scumbag millionaire politicians do now that the elections are over? They'll do what they do best - paying themselves disgraceful amounts of money for continuously failing the people of Ireland. That is something you can always count on!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Party is Over

The scum never cease to offend.
Our money they steal and then spend.
On the June 5th election.
We must show our objection.
Two fingers to parties we'll extend.

Fianna Fáil, Labour and Fine Gael.
They should all be rotting in jail.
They're way overpaid.
And a fortune they've made.
Despite their tendency to fail.

So let's show that we're all sick and tired.
Of the incumbents who just can't be admired.
Lets kick out these hacks.
We'll swing our vote axe.
As Doctor Bill would say, "Parties - you're fired!"

By DarkPassenger

Let's show that we've all had enough of the self-serving party politicians who have failed our country for decades. I urge everyone to vote for an independent candidate on June 5th.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Election Bling

I was out and about today, enjoying the current spell of rare sunshine, when I came across a cohort of Lie-bore party hacks promoting one of their election candidates. They were equipped with the usual armoury of faux-friendliness, leaflets full of lies and some promotional freebies. Now usually our scumbag millionaire politicians like to try and buy the votes of the poor pixie Irish with pens or train timetables or other such high value items. However, this Lie-bore charlatan was handing out bottles of water with his poncy face plastered on the label.

This encounter with the gift-bearing communist triggered memories of the halcyon days of DarkPassenger's childhood. Jumpers for goalposts, playing nic naks, garbage pail kids cards and, most importantly, election bling.

Back in the early eighties elections were a source of great excitement for the children of Ireland. Every day the party Ford Cortinas driven by loyal hacks would announce their arrival through loudspeakers mounted precariously on a rusty roof rack. This was the signal for every kid in the vicinity to drop what they were doing and converge on the hacks to see what gifts they bore. At the very least you could expect a few paper hats and a couple of rolls of stickers. If you were really lucky you might score a flag or maybe even a pen. Now you have to remember that we kids of the 80s didn't have playgrounds, youth clubs, playstations or starbucks to keep us entertained. Therefore we had to turn to things like election bling to brighten up our deprived little days. The more stickers and hats you could accumulate the better. We swarmed those Cortinas until we relieved them of every last sticker and then retired to our tree houses to compare our respective hauls of bling. Inevitably you'd return home covered in stickers, wearing 15 paper hats and trying to hide the ink stain from the Fianna Fáil pen that had leaked in your jeans. Poor young DarkPassenger had to worry about more than the leaky pen though! I also had to make damn sure that any trace of Fine Gael election bling was removed - or else I'd have the blueshirt-hating mammy to answer to!

Anyway enough talk of the past. Our inept political masters will ensure that we return to 1980s living standards soon enough. As for the Lie-bore election bling on offer today - I was feeling pretty thirsty and could have used a refreshing bottle of water to cool me down. However I remembered this simple mathematical equation:

Labour Party = Democratic Left = Workers' Party = Stalin

To hell with him - he can keep his poxy commie water!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Independents Day

With only a few days remaining until we cast our votes in the council, european and by-elections some decisions need to be made.

It is clear that the mainstream political parties in this country are a complete shower of muppets. They play their political games, unleashing ill-conceived policies on an electorate which they hope is too stupid to bother informing themselves. The only thing these politicians can agree on is that they want to preserve the status quo. They want to continue to screw the taxpayer for as much as they can. They want their huge salaries, ridiculous expenses and generous
pensions to remain intact while they wage a war of financial terror on the rest of us poor pixie Irish.

It is also clear that the choice of candidates in all the forthcoming elections is extremely limited. Whether you vote Funny Gael, Lie-bore Party, Fianna Fool or Green Sleeven Party you effectively end up with the same thing representing you - another party hack who will put the needs of their party and their own political progression before those of their constituents.

With this in mind I would urge people to consider the independent candidates in their areas. I watched Vinny Brownetrousers' show on TV3 last night which featured three independent candidates for the Dublin South by-election. I will make no further mention of Noel Car Park O'Gara's candidature other than to say that the clown deserves no further mention. However the other two candidates certainly have something to offer a disenchanted electorate.

Ross O'Mullane and his unitedminds concept is offering an alternative to our current corrupt political system. His proposed system, like his website, is far from polished, however, the guy deserves some credit for suggesting some imaginative reforms of our current shambolic implementation of democracy.

The last of the three candidates, Frank O'Gorman, came across as an ordinary bloke who has had his fill of corrupt politicians and the destructive effect they have on the lives of ordinary people.

These people may not be seasoned political performers and may have been slightly intimidated by Vinny Brownetrousers' confrontational style of questioning, however they seemed to be speaking from the heart (not from any party political hymnsheet).

Now some of the self-styled political know-alls over on like to criticise the performances of these independent crusaders. Well criticise away you asshats! These candidates don't have access to teams of spin doctors. They may not to be able to afford the ridiculous airbrushed posters. They may not be comfortable engaging in Mary Lou Hasn'tGotAClue McDonald style waffle-fests. But at least they are not selling their souls (and those of their constituents) so they may serve "the party". I am sure there are independent candidates up and down the country of whom the same can be said.

So I appeal to the people of Ireland who are sick and tired of our current colonies of political bacteria to register their discontent in the forthcoming elections. Please use your vote. Use it to elect an indepentent candidate and send a message to the arrogant political parties. Let them see that we have had enough of their corruption and dishonesty.

Again I urge you to use your vote! In a worst case scenario your independent TD, councillor or MEP turns out to be a lying, money-grabbing toe rag. So what? That's what you would have been guaranteed anyway had you elected a party serving hack!

DarkPassenger's idea of the month award goes to these guys for finally coming up with a productive use for politicians. Bravo gentlemen!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Jurassic Park

I happened to be watching some coverage of the European elections the other night (sad I know) when the name of Proinsias De Rossa was mentioned. It struck me that this lefty sticky has been around for as long as I can remember. I was sure that this old communist relic must be past retirement age by now so I did a bit of research to satisfy my curiosity. Sure enough Franky Sticky Ross is 69 years old. Now this got me annoyed. I know of a number of people who have recently reached the "mandatory" retirement age of 65 and been forced to quit jobs that they were perfectly willing and able to continue performing. However, as most contracts of employment in Ireland specify a retirement age of 65 or less, the ordinary men and women of this country are forced out of the workforce whether they like it or not.

Surprise surprise! The rules that apply to most of us poor fools do not apply to our legislators and their accomplices in the courts. A little bit more digging revealed the extent of how out of touch the Kildare Street Country Club is with the ordinary Irish person:

  • 6 TDs over the age of 70
  • At least 9 will be 65 or over by the end of 2009
  • At least a further 15 will be 65 within two years

So that's 30 TDs who would be over the generally accepted retirement age of 65 before the 30th Dáil is due to finish its term. And the odds are that most of these antiques will stand for election to Dáil 31.

The situation in our Supreme Court is even worse. Of the 9 Supreme Court judges (including the President and Chief Justice) 5 are over 65 and all but one will be 65 within 2 years. But again, what applies to the common man doesn't apply to the judiciary. A judge in Ireland can legally keep his/her job until they are 70 years old (72 in the case of longer serving judges).

So the politicians can continue to rake in their sickening salaries, pensions and expenses indefinitely. The judges can sit in their golden towers until they are 72. But our fathers, mothers, grannies and grandads must give up work at 65 and hope that the bankers haven't raided their pension funds out of existence and that the government don't decide to remove their medical cards or cut the poxy state pension.

One would imagine that if it is acceptable for TDs and judges to do their "important" jobs into their 70s then it is fair to let the rest of the poor pixie Irish continue to work past 65 if they so wish. I don't particularly care if our parliament and courts resemble Jurassic Park or not. What I want to see is these cornerstones of Irish democracy reflecting the realities of Irish life. For this fair reflection to be achieved we should be seeing judges and public representatives being forced to retire at 65. But expecting our scumbag millionaire TDs to care about things like fairness is probably a bridge too far.

Good God! - Is that a pack of Tyrannosaurus Rexes I see marauding down Kildare street? Ah no - it's just Jackie Healy Rae, Rory O'Hanlon and Mary O'Rourke on their way to the Dáil bar!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Where the hell are they?

I'm very disappointed! So far there has only been one caller to my door canvassing my vote in the local elections - a poor simpleton who is standing for the Green Sleeveen Party. She was so inept I nearly felt sorry for her. This young wan didn't even seem to know why she was standing for election. I had intended to launch a full scale barrage of verbal scud missiles on this representative of the hated Sleeveens but I aborted the mission at the last minute as I was afraid she'd have a heart attack on the spot. Rabbit in the headlights doesn't even begin to describe the pathetic figure that cowered before me. I gave her some abuse about the complete uselessness of all local politicians and voiced my distain when she extolled her party's supposed qualities. When I started to ask difficult questions about the funding of local authorities her complete lack of knowledge became apparent so I called a halt to proceedings. All in all she got off quite easily - never let it be said that DarkPassenger shows no mercy.

Anyway I'm saving my real lightning for the sitting councillors. The Fianna Fool, Funny Gael and Lie-bore Party scumbags that have completely failed to represent the interests of my community. I hope one of them comes calling tonight - I'm in the mood for a row!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

They Think it's All Over!

Welcome to the inaugural DáilOfTheDead Political Penalty Shoot-out.

Today's Contestants
Representing truth, justice, revenge and anger - DarkPassenger.

Representing hypocrisy, rhetoric, greed and waste - George Lee.

Pre-match Preamble
George "IToldYouSo" Lee's entry into the Dublin South by-election marks a new low in Irish politics. The announcement of the "celebrity candidate" has been greeted with a chorus of triumphalist bullshit by the blueshirted masses. Their little keyboards are on fire - posting gigabytes of cyber-diarrhoea on political discussion sites such as You would swear that Jesus H. Christ himself had donned a blue shirt and gone up for election.

I hope that the people of Dublin South will see Lee for the snivelling, treacherous little runt he is. He spent the last 10 years talking the economy down and sermonising about public sector waste while he worked for the monetary black hole that is RTE. He claims that he will take a significant cut in pay if he is elected a TD - proof that he has had no problem screwing the state out of millions in the past and that he intends to carry on doing so if elected to Leinster House.

Match Report
So what does "IToldYouSo" Lee plan to do to rescue us all? He outlined his master plan in an article in the Evening Helard. This blueprint of hypocrisy promised the following:

The Shootout Begins

1. He would finance a massive job-intensive investment programme in green energy, broadband and clean water, financed in part by selling off state companies like Bord Gais and parts of ESB that the State no longer needs to own.

DarkPassenger says: Are you a bit thick George? Have you not heard of Eircom? We have all seen how disastrous it was when the state sold vital infrastructure into the hands of private companies. What could be worse than handing our communications infrastructure over to foreign companies who continue to rape us for phone and broadband services? Duh.....we'll sell our natural gas and electricity infrastructure off too. George you are a clown.
1-0 to DarkPassenger.

2. He would fight for a fairer sharing of the burden of rising taxes. Middle income families on an average wage should not be paying 51pc in tax on every extra euro earned (41pc income tax, 4pc PRSI, 4pc health levy, income levy 2pc), while non-resident millionaires who creamed it during the boom years pay nothing. This is hardly the strategy needed to encourage people to put in the effort and initiative needed to create new jobs and economic opportunities.

DarkPassenger says: To coin an Enda "de road" Kennyism - POPULIST NONSENSE. We would all love to see taxes cut. We would all love to see non-resident millionaires pay their fair share. But how does IToldYouSo Lee plan to extract this money from tycoons such as Denis O'Brien? Especially since the likes of the afforementioned O'Brien are (or were) financial backers of Fine Gael. If IToldYouSo supports DarkPassenger's plans to form a Mossad style unit to abduct these millionaires and "extract" the money they owe us then I'll defer to his wisdom.
Given that this is an unlikely course of action for a wimp like IToldYouSo it's 2-0 to DarkPassenger.

3. He would reverse the increase in the VAT to 21.5pc announced by the Government last October, which has combined with the weakness of sterling to see a deluge of hard-pressed Irish shoppers crossing the border, at the expense of thousands of Irish jobs and hundreds of millions in lost tax revenues.

DarkPassenger says: A poxy half a percent reduction in VAT will not stop my friend Devoted Dexter embarking on more adventure's up north! What else have you got IToldYouSo? Will you dispatch a platoon of blueshirts to the border to attack any cash-strapped Free State citizens and send them back south?
He shoots, he scores...3-0 to DarkPassenger.

4. He would cut the reduced 13.5pc rate of VAT to just 10pc between now and the end of 2010. This would stimulate labour-intensive services like construction, help the tourism industry through the downturn, and give a huge incentive for first time buyers to bring forward purchases of new houses, helping to resolve crises in banking and the public finances.

DarkPassenger says: I can't really argue with this one too much. However, reducing VAT does not even begin to address the massive oversupply of housing stock in many areas of the country. The biggest problem that the construction industry has is that the demand for housing has peaked - the industry needs to refocus on other areas. But not the worst of policies all the same. IToldYouSo is on the scoreboard.
3-1 to DarkPassenger.

5. He would freeze local authority rates for at least five years.

DarkPassenger says: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Funny this one. Now my views on local government have been made clear in my last post so anything that causes local authorities to loose out on money makes me happy. However I'm not sure IToldYouSo's colleagues sitting in the council chambers of Ireland will be so enthused. Local government in this country is already a joke and any plans to reform this situation will require serious sums of cash. IToldYouSo hasn't presented any proposals on providing alternative sources for local government funding - I'm guessing he doesn't expect too many people to question his "wisdom". Must try harder here George.
4-1 to DarkPassenger

6. He would legislate to make upward only rent reviews for small businesses illegal.
DarkPassenger says: Can't disagree here. Another score for Ireland's most treacherous journalist.
4-2 to DarkPassenger.

7. I would exempt employers who take on additional staff from additional employer PRSI obligations until the end of 2010.

DarkPassenger says: Not nearly enough detail provided here oh sanctimonius one. Any sweeping plan which sees en mass PRSI exemptions will be abused big time. There is no doubt that many businesses that haven't been badly affected by the recession have been taking the piss of late, using the downturn to justify cuts in pay and conditions for their staff. Profitable businesses shouldn't be entitled to any more reductions in costs. IToldYouSo's hasn't identified this most basic of points.
5-2 to DarkPassenger.

8. He would make sure that taxpayer support for banks is used only to support new lending to small businesses and families, not to nurse along dodgy property related debts to Fianna Fail's developer friends. The banks, the professional investors who funded them and developers should between themselves take care of the mess they have created. They made the big profits in the good years. They should now eat the losses.

DarkPassenger says: Fair enough. But the tone of this smacks of political opportunism. Everyone would like to see the banks and the property developers having to take it in the ass for the damage they have done. However, let us not forget that it was Fine Gael who bailed out the AIB/ICI in 1985. Leopards don't change their spots - anyone who believes that George of the Bungle or his fascist colleagues would really let the captains of industry loose is a fool.
6-2 to DarkPassenger

9. He would fight to make performance, accountability and thrift core values of our public service once again, starting with the political system itself, and cut top-end public sector salaries, including those of TDs, by at least 5pc.

DarkPassenger says: OH MY GOD! A case study in hypocrisy this one. The man who spent 17 years working for one of the most unaccountable, wasteful and poorly managed organisations in the country is now talking about accountability and value for money. IToldYouSo has shown his true colours here. By his own admission he was overpaid in RTE. He had no problem raking in the cash for 17 years - but now he wants value. And he will cut top-end salaries by at least 5 percent. WOW 5 whole percent - how radical, how brave - how bleedin' sickening. TDs and senior public servants deserve a paycut of at least 20%. Anyone who suggests anything less is a moron. Quoting a figure of 5% is an insult to the people of this country.
7-2 to DarkPassenger.

10. He would overhaul the massive public sector quangos like the HSE, CIE and FAS and expose them to more competition in order to deliver vital health, transport and training services more effectively and at less cost to the taxpayer.

DarkPassenger says: It doesn't take an MSc in Economics to see that the HSE, CIE and FAS are a disgrace. Most people would rather see them exposed to lethal doses of radiation rather than "more competition". How about adding RTE to your list George - there's not much competition or value for money to be found amongst your mates in Donnybrook. You spend 17 years sermonising on the economy in an organisation that is rotten to the core. Now you have the temerity to point fingers at every state supported agency bar the one that facilitated your 10 year campaign for a seat on the Dáil gravy train. Shame on you!
8-2 to DarkPassenger.

So the next time someone tells you how great it is that someone of the status and calibre of George Lee is going to enter Dáil ask them if they've bothered to examine his "policies". Point out the sickening hypocrisy surrounding his entry onto the political stage. Point out the total lack of depth and sheer stupitidy of some of his policies. Whether Shay Brennan, Alex White or George Lee wins in Dublin South matters not. The net result will be the same - another money-grabbing hypocrite will enter the Dáil. But let us not pretend that George Lee is some kind of patriotic economic crusader. He is as greedy a charlatan as anyone else in Leinster House.

They think it's all over.....It is now!

Full Evening Herald article where IToldYouSo outlines his policies:How I would fix the economy by George Lee