So what do you get for such a small investment?
We offer world class health care, waiting times for operations are over 6 months, dirty hospitals, over priced drugs and overpaid consultants who don't care about you or your well being. We also guarantee that you will spend at least 90% of your stay on a comfortable hospital trolley in a hallway. Furthermore, you can top up this exciting benefit with a costly “private” insurance, enabling you and your family similar cover to what most people get at public level in other corporations.
At Ireland Ltd. we love children and we love to invest in everything else but them. Your child will enjoy overcrowded prefab classrooms with third world facilities. Due to our amazing lack of foresight and planning, your children's children will also enjoy similar conditions. Our school hours are selected to ensure your work-life balance is made as difficult as possible. In addition, we realise the importance of every child having the opportunity to go to university. That is why we are reintroducing university fees to ensure that only the wealthy families can afford to provide third level education for their children.
Worried about who will look after your investment? Fear not! We employ more staff than we need, pay them generous incomes and pensions. We also give them massive bonuses which are never linked to their performance. Our staff love spending your investment.†
Ireland Ltd. is a leader in green innovation and public transport. We have developed a train network which averages 20km per hour, thus using less fuel. Our trains have less carriages which squash more people into a smaller space, saving even more fuel. We have recently cut the number of buses on our cities' streets to slash our carbon emissions even further. Are you worried about your carbon footprint? DO NOT WORRY – We promise we will always overcharge you for electricity and gas, forcing you not to use them, helping you freeze to death on your reduced income. This massive reduction in carbon footprint will also enable our management team to increase fuel usage in their numerous properties which you have helped them pay for.
So why not invest in us today and avail of our special money back guarantee.‡
* Terms and conditions apply.
† The value of this investment will fall but not rise.
‡ Money Back Guarantee: You are guaranteed NOT to get your money back.
I was referred to Cavan hospital in February. I was really sick, and was left about 4 hours on a hospital trolley in A+E, waiting for a bed. I was transferred to the Mater, where I generally had a good experience. Certainly not as bad as some people make out.
ReplyDeleteI later got a bill for €350 from Cavan, and €750 from the Mater. I have no intention of paying either one, but forget about the idea of free health care. Also don't bother with private health insurance, it really doesn't make any difference in 90% of circumstances.
Most of the patients in hospital are there because they are old, have blocked arteries, or diabetes. Hospital managers love to have patients in beds, as there are no incremental costs per patient, apart from the awful food. A lot of people in hospital are there unnecessarily, for instance people waiting for bypasses generally have to spend 3 weeks in a regional hospital to "wait" for a main hospital like the Mater to admit them. It's stupidly inefficient.